Unhinged
by Allusia16
Summary: Ashta Leviason is a new detective in Intelligence and makes it a goal to keep her life blocked off from the rest of her team much to Hank's dismay. However when a serial killer makes themselves known, it becomes clear that Ashta is involved. Can the team stop them before their rampage turns the entire town against them? Can Ashta let Hank in enough to accept him?
1. Chapter 1

1

My name is Ashta Leviason. Sometimes I go by Levi sometimes I go by Ashta. I guess it really depends on who you are to me. I worked with the Chicago Police Department as a patrol officer for 5 years. I worked with many different people, some with power and others who were just starting out. I would like to think I had a good relationship with all my partners. I mean I had their backs when needed and I considered myself reliable. Any crime that was put in my way, I took down. My superiors use to tell me I was too disciplined and too focused that sometimes my decision-making skills were too robotic which left very little room for me to be sympathetic.

Sure that may have been the case. But I couldn't shut that off no matter how much I wanted to. Well maybe I turned it down a little. Ever since I joined the Intelligence Unit, I realized that I purposely kept my personal life private from my teammates. Even after I was partnered with most of them, to get me used to the group, I found myself knowing about them and their lives and in return, them knowing very little. Antonio Dawson was a man I had known before my transfer. He was laid back, but serious when needed. He and our sergeant, Hank Voight were close. I could tell they had been through much together.

Kim Burgess and Kevin Atwater were nice. I had had run ins with them back in our patrolling days as well and we even took down a gas station robbery together. Jay Halstead and Adam Ruzek were hot heads to me. Jay was in the United States Army and Adam is a cop's son, but he wasn't spoiled. He got the job done, even tackled me down before a drug dealer could put two in my chest. Hailey Upton was smooth. I liked her, she had attitude and even though she tried to show her toughness when I first met her, we both earned each other's respect. And now it tied back to our boss, Hank Voight. A lot of people said he was a dirty cop who did what he wanted in order to get the bad guy. He was a hard ass and I respected him for it. This was my team and I appreciated them even when they asked me to hit the bar with them. But I always said no. Had other responsibilities that they didn't need to know about.

It was twenty minutes to one and I was typing up a report of a child kidnapping case. Rich kids were going missing and through our criminal informants we managed to find the man responsible for kidnapping the kids and his boss, who was actually the principal of the prep school the kids were being grabbed from. The bitch actually made sure the cameras were taped over with regular footage in certain spots so no one would ever see the children being taken. I was a fast typist and was already on my second page when I could see Antonio coming up to me. I glanced up at him and smiled.

"What's up?" I asked and he smiled warmly at me.

"Hey uh, we're hitting the bar later on tonight to celebrate yesterday's take down and I wanted to see if you wanted to join us, my treat." he said, and I smiled politely in return.

"Ah I'm sorry, Antonio, but I have some other things I have to do." I replied. He gave a playful wince.

"You know you've been giving us that same excuse for a year. I mean how else are we gonna welcome you to the team if you don't ever come out?" he said, and I tilted my head glancing at Kevin to see him swiftly turning his head to hide the fact he was eavesdropping.

"I thought I was already welcome here." I said humorously and his eyes popped some.

"You are. Well if you change your mind let me know." he said, and I nodded continuing to smile.

"I will." I replied and he nodded lingering for a few more seconds before turning and moving back to his desk. Adam noticed it and gave me a questioning look, but I shrugged it off and went back to typing up my report. Once it was proof read and revised, I got up and moved over to Hank's office. After knocking and gaining permission to enter, I moved in.

"My report on the child trafficking case." I said and moved over to place it in his hands. "I'm going to go and talk to some of my CI's about the rumors of the new heroine distributor."

"Wait, Leviason." he called, and I paused and turned to him and he motioned for me to close the door. I did so and turned and watched as he got up from his desk and walked around to the front leaning over it now as he crossed his arms.

"I know it never needs to be said, the way you're treated is action enough, but you do know we appreciate all the work and effort you've put in with this team, right?" he asked his voice low, and gravely. I nodded slowly, confused by this conversation.

"Yes sir. I value each and everyone one of you and trust you with my life." I said, a sentence I have said numerous times and his slow nod showed me he was used to saying it.

"Good. And we all trust you with our lives. I just can't help but notice the wall you've had up to keep yourself separated from us." he said. My lips parted to speak but he raised his hand. "Now I'm not saying you need to bare your heart to us, but I just want to be sure that there's nothing going on with you." I almost rolled my eyes, but I refrained. I think it annoyed Hank that he knew little to nothing about me. He liked knowing everything so he could stay a step ahead of the game. The most about me that I've let slip was that I was single and no longer had siblings.

Bad decision, because Antonio already wanted to know what happened to them.

"Everything's fine, boss. I've always been a private person." I replied. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't bother me on the matter again. Hank nodded, his arms crossed, and he nodded.

"Alright. Message received. I won't bother you on it again." he said raising his hand as if to pledge to me the subject is dropped. But I knew him well enough that it wasn't. I just nodded.

"Sir." I replied and left the office and moved to place my badge on my hip and head out to find some of my CI's. This was most of the day for me, following leads and tips on the new heroine supplier known as The Clown. Heard he was really dangerous, and no one has ever met him or her before. Once the day ended, I was at my desk packing up, same as everyone else.

"Hey, Levi, you sure you don't want to come celebrate with us? I mean we couldn't have gotten that principal without you." Jay said and everyone was looking at me as if wondering what I would say. I smiled and shook my head.

"Can't. Got stuff to do." I replied.

"At ten pm?" Hailey challenged and I nodded.

"At ten pm." I responded and grabbed my coat and left out with the others. As I got in my car, I received a text from an associate of mine.

_I'm sorry I can't meet you tonight._

I lifted my head and sighed with disappointment before merely texting okay and headed home. I lived in a townhome just outside of the city, where it wasn't too noisy and too overwhelming. I got home, showered and pulled on a lace red gown. I sat at my vanity mirror and just observed myself for a moment. I put on my satin bonnet and moved to lie in the bed. I stared at the ceiling merely taking in the quiet of my place. I wasn't very tired although I knew I needed to sleep or else I wouldn't be able to function in the morning. I started to close my eyes feeling them get heavy before I received another text.

_At your door._

I stared at the text for a minute. I could ignore it and go to sleep, but if he's already here then I'd feel bad for making him leave even if he did come here unannounced. I got up and pulled my bonnet off and left the room. I sighed heavily as I moved to the front door and stared at him.

"I could have been asleep you know." I replied and he smirked and closer to me, his eyes were deep and seductive. His intentions were very clear.

"I knew you wouldn't be, though." Antonio replied as he placed his hand on my neck lightly before leaning in to dominate my lips in a heated kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

2

Antonio was an excellent lover, one who made my legs spasm when I came. But there were no romantic feelings. It was all just lust between us both and I didn't mind that. I had a lot of practice when it came to sex. I enjoyed exploring a man's body and figuring out what he liked. Antonio was pretty easy to read.

I was on top, grinding my hips hard and fast into his, his hands had a vice grip on my hips. The room was filled with panting and moans as I leaned back some to watch as his head fell back in utter bliss.

"Oh fuck!" He growled as I moved my hips faster, heavy pants escaping his lips. He was beautiful when engulfed in pleasure. His body was tightening as he was trying to fight the urge to cum. My eyes fluttered closed as my head fell back as I was in my own blissful universe. I feel my body being swung to the bed and my eyes opened swiftly as Antonio was over me thrusting his hips into me. I let out a hitched moan as his lips find mine and my legs wrap around his bottom. His arms wrapped around my back and after a few more thrusts, he groans hard, shivering hard as he cums. I don't cum however, but it does not mean I am dissatisfied. He rolls off me and lies on his back.

I merely rolled on my stomach as he tosses his condom in the trash.

"Okay… you can't say that just lying here would be better than hanging out with us at the bar." he says as if exhausted, his eyes glancing down at me. I hummed gently.

"Well I had something to do, but plans were cancelled." I replied. He arched a brow and he turned a bit to face me.

"A date?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No. Just catching up with an old friend." I replied and he nodded before suddenly frowning lightly and shaking his head.

"You know I don't get you… I mean you've been with us for a year and a half and none us can get a read on you. I mean are you afraid to open up or something?" he asked. I stared at him blankly for a second before leaning on my pillow in thought.

"I guess I have nothing to really share." I replied. "I mean Hank has my file I'm sure you can ask him."

"But I don't want to ask Hank… I want to ask-" he paused as we both noticed the frustration in his tone. "Look, I'm sorry. It's just I've never met a person so… closed off."

"And it bothers you because you can't truly get a read on me. Look this is how I have been since day one. And I knew that being this way you all didn't feel you could trust me because I came off as secretive. But I have my reasons for it." I replied with a shrug.

He gave a soft pout.

"Guess that's all I'm going to get huh?" he asked and I shrugged.

"You've been in my home multiple times when we do… this. I'm sure you can put some pieces together." I replied. He gave a quick smile at my words before nodding.

"Well you live alone and you're single. You had siblings but something happened to them… Maybe you're hurting and you don't want to admit it?" he asked.

"Antonio you are ruining this little moment of ours." I told him as I just rested my cheek on my arm. He nodded.

"Okay okay. I'll let it go. I won't pry anymore." he said. I nodded.

"Yes, you will. All of the team will." I said. He looked down some not replying meaning he was not denying it either. We laid here in silence for a moment, his eyes remaining on the ceiling and my eyes on him.

"You planning to stay or…?" I trailed off and he smirked and nodded.

"Yeah I should get going." he said sitting up slowly and rolling his shoulders. "Or I mean I could stay if you want me to." I tilted my head at his words. He always wanted to say, that much I knew. He wanted me to stop him and ask him to stay with me always. But I would not be the first person to cave and let this go anywhere past lust. I sat up slowly and smiled at him before kissing his shoulder softly. He nodded and smiled.

"Yeah I thought so." he said lightly. He got up and got dressed and I moved to grab my robe off the ground. I felt his fingers graze my bottom and I leaned up to look at him to see he looked mildly disappointed.

"Your vaginal muscles usually tighten up around me when you cum… I didn't feel that this time." he said. I looked away some and nodded.

"That's true, but I still enjoyed it." I replied moving to put my arm through the first sleeve of my robe. He looked away hiding his frown before nodding.

"You should have said something." he said.

"Why?" I asked closing the robe.

"Why? Because I'm not doing my part if you don't cum." he said and I smirked now.

"I still got all the pleasure in knowing you came." I said, and he just huffed some and moved passed me after he was fully dressed. I walked him to the door and after a quick goodnight he was gone from my home. I took a shower washing his scent off me before returning to bed.

The next morning, I was at my desk trying to hide my frustration on the fact my leads on the new heroine distributor had gone cold. My CI's had nothing for me and couldn't even point me in a good direction. Hank's door opened and he came out with his coat in hand.

"Listen up, we got a homicide down at Windmill Apartments on East and 4th street." he said and my head snapped up as I stood up and looked at him.

"Windmill… how many dead?" I asked.

"Two, looks like a home invasion gone horribly wrong. You're with me let's move out." he demanded. I put my gun in my holster, grabbed my badge and coat and followed Hank out. Windmill Apartments where it all started. I followed Hank out to his car and got in. My stomach was forming knots and I looked down rubbing my stomach to calm it.

"Levi, you good?" Hank asked and I looked up at him almost stunned, but I nodded.

"Yes." I replied firmly and he squinted at me before nodding and taking off. "You know anything about Windmill Apartments?" I was quiet for a moment but nodded.

"I grew up in those apartments." I replied. Many of us did. He nodded.

"Something I should know before we get there?" he asked and I shook my head.

"Nothing at all." I replied and he gave me a look over before nodding.

"Alright then." he replied. Took us fifteen minutes to get there. Yellow tape and paramedics were there. Windows were open from all the other homes as people were looking out them. Hank and I stepped out and I immediately froze as I looked around at the white apartments. Red rooves, red stained clothes, red falling over scared faces. I shook my head as Hank walked around the car and over to the other officers. I followed him as we walked up the pitch-black steps and headed over to the red door with golden numbers 102. We moved beneath the yellow tape.

"What do we got here?" Hank asked as we now saw the two bodies lying flat on their stomachs side by side.

"Donnie and Su Yang, both in their late sixties. Single shot to back of the head. Execution style." she explained and I winced as I walked closer to the bodies and examined them. Both their eyes were closed and I remember Su bringing me some soup when I was sick as a child.

"Was anything taken?" Hank asked. Adam shook his head.

"No and get this, there was on forced entry anywhere. Whoever the shooter was, they knew them and let the person in." he said. I moved back up and inhaled and looked at my team before walking over to them. Hank stared at me carefully and I looked up at him.

"You knew them." he said and I nodded.

"Yes. They had five children, lost four of them to a murder themselves." I explained, the emotion gone from my tone. "The only child alive is Remy. He was a good kid, but changed after his siblings died. I don't know what he's doing with himself now." Hank nodded.

"Okay we need to find Remy Yang and bring him in, see what he knows, see if maybe he snapped." he ordered. I was looking at Mr. and Mrs. Yang with lifeless eyes. No emotions, no feeling, it's the only way to maintain your sanity.

Kevin moved up beside me with concerned eyes.

"Ay… you good?" he asked and I looked up at him now, blinking some as I nodded.

"Yes I'm fine." I replied lightly before an officer came in quickly.

"Hey we got a man an Asian male on a ledge at the abandoned Manchester construction warehouse!" he said. My entire body tightened as I looked at Hank.

"We used to hang out there when we were younger, it's considered his safe place!" I said.

"Let's move people!" Hank demanded and we hurried from the apartment and over to our vehicles. We got in our cars and took off. I gripped the handle of the door hard feeling the adrenaline build in me.

"What all do you know about Remy Yang, Levi?" Hank asked his sirens blaring over my head. My chest was heaving now he swerved around cars, speeding through the town.

"He was a kid I played with. He was sweet and innocent and that all changed when his brothers were killed. That's all I know!" I replied looking at him sharply. He only had seconds to glance at me before looking at the road.

"Why do I get the feeling you're not telling me everything?" he asked firmly.

"I can only tell you what I know!" I said. But he was right, I was not telling him everything. It was not his business to know and it was not my trauma to tell. I could see the brown building of the warehouse and the numerous cops swarming the front of it. Hank pulled up quickly and parked. We got out just as the rest of the team was arriving. Hank and I walked over to Lt. John Spellman who had a bullhorn in his hands.

"I've tried everything to get him down, it's like talking to a brick wall." I looked past them all and saw him standing on the edge.

"Remy." I whispered as he just stared down at the ground below in a white t-shirt and jeans. The wind blew his choppy hair over his eyes but I knew there'd be no fear in them, there'd be no emotion in them.

"So what he murders his parents and then decides to off himself?" Jay asked confused.

"We gotta get him down." Antonio replied. Lt. Spellman shook his head.

"He's completely gone. We can't get eyes on a weapon he's too high up." he said and I looked at everyone.

"I'll go to him." I replied. Hank looked at me quickly.

"What?" he asked and I nodded.

"He will remember me and I can try and talk him down." I said.

"Levi he isn't all there, and if he has a weapon-" Hailey started but I shook my head.

"He won't hurt me." I replied.

"And how do you know that?" Hank asked and I just looked at him for a long moment before removing my gun and handing it to him.

"I am the only one who can do this." I replied and Hank stared at me firmly, but he took my gun.

"If I see anything pointed at you, I will take him down." he replied in a dangerously low tone. I nodded and looked over at the warehouse and began to approach it. Slowly and calmly. Everyone watched me and Remy, but my eyes were only on Remy. As I got closer to the building, I stopped and raised my hands some Remy knew I was on armed. I see his head move a bit more.

"Ashta?" he asked with relief and I nodded.

"I'm here, Remy!" I called up to him. Finally, I could see his body shake as I heard him sob.

"Ashta… I've become unhinged!" he said. My body stiffened at the word he used and I shook my head more.

"Don't say that! Don't you say that! Come down and we can talk about it!" I called up to him but he just shook his head.

"We can't fight it anymore, I couldn't fight it! It was all their faults! None of them protected us!" he screamed. I shook my head.

"They didn't know Remy! You KNOW they didn't know!" I yelled and he pulled at his hair some and shook his head.

"I'm only the first! But it's going to happen to all of us! I know you think about it too!" he said. I kept my hands out so he could see them.

"Remy… did you kill your parents?" I asked and he shook his head sobbing some more.

"I had to. I tried so hard not to give in, but the more I fought the crazier I was becoming!" he said and winced some at his words.

"Why didn't you come to me?" I asked.

"YOU'RE A COP! A FUCKING COP WHO WOULD HAVE ME LOCKED UP FOR MY THOUGHTS!" he screamed. I shook my head more.

"That's not true! I could get you help!" I yelled. He nodded.

"Face it Ashta… I've…become…unhinged." he said each word carefully and I shook my head at his words.

"We all promised we would never use that word unless it were true. You're not a killer Remy! Please come down!" I replied and he shook his head, the emotions leaving his eyes.

"It's done, Ashta." he replied. I shook my head quickly.

"No. No I don't believe you!" I replied. He nodded slowly looking out at the rest of the policeman with a distant gaze.

"Yes you do." he said and I watched as his body moved forward and my eyes flexed some as he fell to the ground and landed with a thud. I stared at him for a moment, tilting my head some as I watched the blood pour from his eyes and mouth. I let out a gentle exhale before turning and walking back to the group as paramedics ran past me to try and save him.


	3. Chapter 3

3

As I walked back the rest of the team Hank stood in front of me.

"Hey, what happened?" he asked calmly and I just looked up at him.

"I couldn't talk him down." I merely replied and walked past him.

I was leaning against Hank's car just silent for a moment while statements were taken and Remy's body was taken away. This didn't make sense. Remy loved his parents and his parents took care of his every need. He was the only child they had left. He wouldn't just go off the deep end and kill them. I couldn't believe this, I wouldn't. I needed to figure out how he ended up this way. Was he taking drugs? Did he talk to the others and maybe they filled his head with something crazy. I removed my phone and texted a friend of mine.

_We need to meet tonight. No exceptions._

Hank approached me looking me over with a mildly light gaze.

"You alright?" he asked and I looked up at him and nodded.

"I will be." I replied and he looked me over for a second.

"How well you know the perp?" he asked. I tensed and crossed my arms.

"We grew up in those apartments. His parents were nice." I replied and Hank eyed me carefully as if waiting for me to pour my heart out about him, but that would lead too much into my past and it wasn't his business to know. "He admitted to killing his parents."

Hank shook his head curiously.

"He tell you why?" he asked. I shook my head.

"He wasn't making much sense. But after his siblings were killed I don't think he was ever the same. My parents… didn't let me hang out with him much." I lied trying to hold myself together. Hanks eyes alone could knock down the hardest of mental barriers. He was trying to knock them down now until Antonio came up behind him.

"There's no weapon on Yang. Burgess and I will head back to the crime scene and search again to find anything until we find out what type of gun was used." he said and Hank looked at him.

"Alright. This case doesn't close until we find that gun." he said and began to walk around the front of the car. I looked down and up at Antonio to see him staring at me just at intensely as Hank was. I wondered if he was still mad about me not telling him about the orgasm I didn't hae. I refrained from rolling my eyes and getting into the car.

"Where to?" I asked.

"Back to Intelligence. I want a statement of what went down back there." he said and I nodded.

"Yes sir." I replied and looked at my phone upon hearing it vibrate.

_Alright_

I put my phone away and looked ahead. Hours later, I had finished typing up my report of the Yang suicide and knocked on Hank's already opened door. He was reading something when I came in.

"Here's my report." I replied moving to sit the file on his desk. Hank looked up at me carefully and then raised the paper he was reading.

"This is an old report on Mr. and Mrs. Yang. Did you know their four sons, excluding Remy, were victims of the Chicago Butcher?" he asked and I stood there for a moment and looked down.

"I've heard stories." I replied and he stood up now and moved the desk and over to the door closing it.

"William Abington aka The Chicago Butcher was a real sick motherfucker." he said and I just stood in place as he walked around and leaned against the desk crossing his arms. I looked down slightly and then up.

"I know he was." I replied. He nodded slowly.

"His MO had all of Chicago up in arms trying to find him sixteen years ago. What all did you know about him?" he asked. I looked up for a second trying to keep myself together.

"He liked to kill families in front of children. Sometimes parents, sometimes siblings, or if you were considered special, both parents and siblings." I replied and Hank nodded.

"He left a lot of children mentally messed up. I'm guessing Remy Yang didn't just hear about his brother's murders, he was forced to watch as his brothers were butchered and he finally snapped." Hank said and I just remained standing there, my heart beating faster and my chest heaving a bit more. I nodded biting my lip and looking down some.

"Why are you telling me what I already know?" I asked.

"Because _you _knew this bit of information and you kept it from me." he said.

"Hank I haven't seen Remy in years. I had no idea about his mental state. I was maybe fifteen the last I saw him." I lie and he nodded slowly and it looked like he knew I was lying.

"Anything else you know that could potentially help us understand why Yang would go off the deep end now and kill his folks? Anything at all that you're not telling me?" he asked and I shook my head. What I knew didn't matter to this case. The Yangs are gone and what I knew will not change that. Even if I didn't believe Remy killed his parents.

"No." I replied and he stared at me for a moment looking me over some and sighed and shook his head.

"This unit is built on trust, Ashta." he said and I nodded.

"Have I ever given you to not trust me?" I asked.

"Just now you have." he said and I winced at his words. I don't know it hurt me to hear him say this. But I kept his words on the outer wall where everyone was kept distant from me and nodded.

"Well… I hope to one day earn your trust again." I replied before turning and leaving out of the room. I felt the anger building inside me. How could he not trust me? Because I didn't want to tell him things that couldn't help at all? That's just like him. He wanted to know everything about everyone all the time. I sat down at my desk and just took a few seconds to breathe. I knew I brought this on myself, coming off as a secretive person. But it was the only way. If I keep them all at a distance, then it wouldn't hurt when the day comes I lose them. The rest of the team returned and Adam moved back to the office to talk to Hank. I looked at Kim.

"Hey, you guys find the gun?" I asked and she sighed and shook her head.

"No. We're guessing he stashed it when he fled." she said. Hank and Adam came out of Hank's office.

"Alright listen up. Got a report from the medical team. Remy Yang didn't have any gunshot residue on his hands. This means he didn't fire a gun." Hank told. My entire body tightened at his words.

"So he wasn't our shooter. Maybe he knew or saw the shooter and was running from him." Jay told, and I leaned forward some in thought.

"I don't understand why would he admit to kill his parents if he didn't do it?" I asked.

"Maybe he felt he couldn't protect them and thought in some way he killed them." Kevin said.

"And the guilt of this plus the pain of your surviving family members being gone was just the last straw." Hailey added.

"Well now that he's ruled out this means we got a killer on our hands we got to find. Antonio and Kim, you go back out to Windmill and talk to the neighbors, see if you can find anything." Hank demanded. The two detectives nodded and headed back out the door. I watched as they left my mind reeling from different thoughts. Was this just a random attack or was it someone Remy knew? I needed answers and I knew who I'd get them from.

With the case going to Antonio and Kim, I knew whatever I heard I'd have to report to them. When it was quitting time, I moved to the lady's locker room and swapped out some of my stuff. Kim was just entering and we shared a smile as she stood beside me and changed.

"Any luck on the Yang case?" I asked and she shook her head sighing.

"No one saw anything or heard anything. They said the Yangs were good and their deaths were a shock, all three of them were." she said. I nodded.

"I'm sure you've read the parent's files on their children." I said and she nodded shaking her head.

"Yes. God I never knew their family was one attacked by the Chicago Butcher. I want to believe that maybe that has something to do with it, but there's no evidence and it's too long of a stretch." she said and I just nodded not voicing that I agreed with her words. She looked me over some. "You said you grew up in that neighborhood too. Did you know anything about him?"

I shrugged glancing at her as I pulled my coat on.

"Yes. We played together a lot actually… but after what happened, my parents didn't want me around him. You know not wanting that trauma around me." I said and she nodded.

"Of course. Well good night." she replied and I smiled and walked around her.

"Good night." I replied and moved out into the lobby. As I walked to my car and I could see Antonio out of my side eye.

"Hey, Ashta, hold up a second." he said and I paused at my car and looked at him.

"What's up?" I asked and he looked me over with a gentle shrug.

"I just wanted to see how you're holding up. I mean it's not easy trying to talk someone off a ledge and I know it can hit you pretty hard when they still end up falling." he said and I just nodded looking down some.

"He was a sweet kid, Antonio." I replied honestly looking up at him. Now I felt all the sadness rolling up on me and I sniffled some. "He didn't deserve any of this." Antonio just pulled me into him and I wrapped my arms around him filling his strong arms embrace me. His scent washed over me and I was starting to crave his body, but I fought the urges.

"Want me to come over tonight?" he asked and I leaned back and just looked up at him shaking my head.

"No. I'll be alright. You'd better be careful, you don't want to care too much. Remember Voight's rule." I said teasingly and he smirked. I honestly found it kind of funny that Hank was really strict about the team dating each other. But that wasn't really a problem for me really. I didn't want to date anyone on the team. Even though Antonio and I were just screwing around, we knew that this little phase would eventually pass.

"Hey I'll always care for you. But don't worry, I won't get too attached." he said and I smiled and nodded as we took a few steps from each other.

"Good night." I replied and he nodded waving as he turned from me.

"Night." he said. I smiled at the back of his head before getting into my car and heading out. Remy was on my mind the entire time. I had to find the person responsible for this. He deserved that peace. As I pulled into my parking spot, I looked into the windows of my home to see my bed room light on. But I know I didn't leave it on. I got out and approached my door with caution seeing as it was ajar. I pulled my gun out and kept it at my side as I entered. I searched each room downstairs. No one was down here. I inhaled quietly before moving upstairs to my lit room. I peeked inside the door and sighed as I saw who was there. I put my gun away and opened the door.

"I could have shot you." I said angrily.

"Mm yes but I'm your only link of sanity that keeps you tied to this world. You wouldn't have shot me." he said as he lied naked on my bed with one knee up. "Heard about Remy." I shook my head now and placed my gun and bad on my dresser by the door.

"You think it was tied to us?" I asked and he shook his head.

"If it was then there's stupid for going after someone as unimportant as Remy." he said. I whipped my head at him, glaring.

"This isn't a joke, Cesar!" I snapped and he nodded sitting up.

"I know this isn't a joke. What happened to Remy is a tragedy. But you're a cop and you'll find out who did this and bring them to justice." he said standing up and walking over to me, looming over me now. He was six-six, slim, but worked out so much he wasn't anyone I would ever have to truly fight to the death. He raised his hands and slid them down the sides of my face. "Now, it's been a while since we have seen each other. I have some… feelings I want to get off my chest as I am sure you do too." I closed my eyes feeling his calloused hands caress me, my hands gently lifting to rest on his sides.

"Now… you want my hands… or my belt?" he asked softly running his fingers down the side of my lips. I opened my eyes and looked up at him.

"You have no control with your hands, the last time I was sure you'd kill me. So your belt." I replied and he growled leaning in and kissing me possessively.

"Never." he replied against my lips.

Cesar was my release from the world. I looked him up after my parents passing when I found out he was just like me, troubled and hurting from what had happened to us. At first we were angry because we weren't saved and we agreed to take it out on each other, but of course once the hormones ignited and our bodies started to change we decided to mix violence and pleasure together to truly let out everything we were feeling. It was the only way to stop either of us from becoming unhinged.


	4. Chapter 4

4

We lied on the bed panting heavily now as the exhaustion took over.

"Fuck you never cease to amaze me." he said.

"Yeah I get that a lot." I panted.

"From your boyfriend?" he asked curiously and I scoffed.

"Why would you assume I had a boyfriend." I replied gently running my hand over his chest to wipe at the teeth marks on his right peck.

"Found the used condom in the trash can." he said placing his hand over mine. I shrugged.

"I am not taken." I replied. He nodded.

"It's okay if you are." he said and I looked him over.

"If I did that meant we couldn't do this anymore. You'd be okay with that?" I asked lightly and he shook his head.

"No. It wouldn't stop me from coming to you and you coming to me. We need each other too much to ever stop seeing each other." he said, eyes staring up at the ceiling now. I sighed gently knowing he was right.

"I couldn't date anyways… it would end up turning to love. And my love died with all of them." I admitted and he turned to me, eyes serious and passionate.

"Love is just a human made emotion. You don't need it." he said and I nodded in agreement.

"Have you spoken to Remy any before he took his life?" I asked. He looked up as if thinking before nodding.

"Yeah a few weeks ago. He seemed fined, didn't say anything about becoming unhinged." he replied. I nodded.

"Anyone new he's been talking to?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I don't know. You know it's been hard for some of us to even be social with others who haven't been through what we have been through… it sort of makes me angry that people can walk around me happy and safe when I can't ever feel that happiness or safeness again." he said bitterly and I shook my head gently crawling over him.

"If you're angry or want to hurt something, you know you can call me, text me or anything. I can take it, you know I can." I replied and he nodded.

"How long can we keep this up? How long until it isn't enough?" he asked and I looked down in thought of his words.

"For as long as it can." I replied. He nodded and just placed his hand over my head and leaned me down to rest on his chest before cutting the lamp off.

I awoke the next morning to a burning ass and mild bruising around my body. Nothing I hadn't felt experienced before. Cesar was gone as he usually was. He did have a life to get back to. He sent me a text letting me know he did lock the door. I sighed and just got ready for work. I had a few cuts and light bruises on my cheek and over my eye brow. No shirt I had would hide the strangulation marks around my neck. Oh well, they'd all heal and I'd be just fine. Tough skin, was what I told myself would be the result.

After cleaning up my room and putting all the knocked over furniture back in place, I headed into work and stopped by the lady's locker room. I put my gym back in.

"More cuts and bruises, huh?" I heard Hailey say and I turned to see her wincing at me. This wasn't the first time I've come into work with bruises, but every time someone asked, I told them I was fine. Most of the cops around thought I was being battered or something.

"Yep." I merely replied placing my gun and badge around my hip.

"The neck is new." she pointed out and I just shrugged.

"I like to keep my love life interesting." I said and she nodded slowly examining my face.

"You know we are always here for you right?" she asked concerned. I nodded smiling gently at her.

"I know you are. Don't worry. If anyone truly wanted to hurt me they'd never stand again." I said and I could still see the worry on her face but she gave a mild smile before nodding and I smiled and walked around her and headed up stairs. I was always early so I knew only Hank would be there. Like it mattered anyways. I walked through the door and headed over to my desk. Hank was just leaving his office and I saw him glance and then do a double take at me. He stopped immediately and turned to me.

"Hey what happened?" he asked swiftly upon seeing my face.

"Nothing worth getting into." I replied only to feel his hand grab my forearm. It wasn't aggressive but it was just firm enough to make me pause and look up at him. His eyes immediately moved inches down and I watched his fingers come up and graze my neck. Immediately his eyes darkened as he looked up at me.

"Give me a name and address and I'll take care of him." he stated. I held back from scoffing and shook my head.

"It's fine, boss. I handled it." I said and he shook his head.

"Levi, this isn't the first time you've come in here with bruises on your face. You're a cop for crying out loud, a detective." he said and I glared.

"Are you saying that this is my fault?" I asked.

"No of course not. You're one of my best detectives and I don't want to see you hurt." he said.

"Aw you care about my wellbeing but you don't trust me to be open about my life." I snapped and he stared at me hard and I looked away remembering that he is my superior. "I will be fine." The door opened and the rest of the team came and in and Hank watched me for a second before nodding.

"Okay then. I won't pry anymore." he said. I didn't even nod or say anything else on the subject. I had to slowly sit back down because my ass was definitely sore and bruised. Hank watched with an arched brow and I just shot him a look and started my computer. He walked away and left the room. My mind started to go back to Remy thinking of our conversation. Unhinged… I couldn't believe he was so far gone that he would use the word. None of the others had used the word. Then again, I hadn't seen many of them either for a while, but they had my number just in case. We had all met last month and swapped numbers. Remy was there, why didn't he call me if he was feeling this way? Did he really think I would lock him up? He knew better, he knew better.

I had to take my mind off this or else it would throw me back down a rabbit hole and I'd spend too much time trying to find answers. Antonio walked over to me and winced at my face.

"Your old friend do that to you?" he asked concerned and I nodded.

"Yes, he likes it rough. What's up?" I asked. He looked away with a clenched jaw before looking at me.

"Toxicology report came back. It seemed Remy Yang had a large trace of heroin in his system. Just thought you might want to know that since you have a slight history with him." he said. Heroine. I looked at him confused.

"Windmill is a popular apartment complex they rarely have drug attics in the area." I said. He shrugged.

"Times have changed since your youth. Want to come check it out, knock on some doors with me? Maybe it'll link with that new distributor you've been searching for." he said. I nodded swiftly at the idea. The Clown. I nodded immediately and stood up.

"Yes that would be great." I replied and stood up. We left the office together and headed down the hall. Hank was just passing by and I ducked my head not wanting to say much to him. Luckily Antonio was in front of me so when we were asked where we were going, he answered.

"Heading back to Yang site. Gonna ask some more questions now that we have new evidence of heroine being involved." he said. Hank eyed me and then looked back at Antonio.

"Okay, keep me posted. Both of you." he commanded and we both nodded before heading down the hall.

Once we were in the parking garage, Antonio just stopped in front of me and turned swiftly.

"Okay, what's going on?" he asked and I shook my head.

"What do you mean?" I asked and he leaned in pointing at the ceiling above us.

"You could hardly sit down at your desk? We're not stupid, Ashta we know someone's hurting you." he said. Yeah and I was hurting him too. I gave an assured smile.

"Antonio I'm fine." I said and scoffed.

"Bull shit. Ashta you can talk to me. Were you… assaulted?" he asked and I groaned and shook my head.

"No. I was not in any danger I was not harmed like purposely. It's hard to explain okay." I said walking around him but he grabbed my hand and pulled me into him to hug me and I cried out and flinched and he pulled back in shock and looked down at my stomach. He raised his hand and I just froze and watched him raise my shirt just below my bra. I closed my eyes and scoffed softly as he had a full view of my stomach and sides.

"What the fuck, Ashta." he whispered harshly and I pulled my shirt down.

"It's nothing, Antonio!" I said. "It was just rough stuff."

"This isn't rough! Whoever you're with isn't being rough, he's beating you!" he said leaning in to me. I turned from him feeling agitated now.

"You don't understand!" I said.

"So help me understand." he said walking in front of me now. My jaw tightened now as I was growing more annoyed with this conversation.

"I can't." I replied and he just leaned back, the hurt evident in his eyes. I understand that what I could have told him wouldn't be considered normal which is why I didn't want to tell him.

"If this goes on too long, this guy can kill you." he said and I just stared at him for a moment before shaking my head.

"I'll be fine. Can we go please?" I asked and he just shook his head in frustration before nodding.

"Yeah." he replied. We moved over to his car and got in. I sat down slowly and closed my eyes from the pain. I clicked my seat belt in and I could see Antonio watching.

"Jesus." he said under his breath and just started the car. The car ride was quiet and I just kept my eyes out the window focusing on just finding Remy's killer. I had my doubts The Clown would be involved. Why would he randomly come after the Yang's. They weren't anything bad. I couldn't believe they'd get themselves involved in drugs. We returned to my old neighborhood and I stepped out and looked around slowly. The whole place looked the same as it did when I was I was child. I found the familiar door of the home I lived in and I just stared at it for a moment feeling the memories rush back into my mind and I just felt my fingers curl into a fist at the thoughts.

But I turned and looked at Antonio finally and he just looked around.

"We'll search the Yang's home for drugs then look at the gas stations and stores for any information on if any one's been selling drugs in the area." he said and I nodded.

"Got it." I replied and we moved toward the stairs that would take us back to the crime scene.

Hank's POV

I knew my tolerance level was low after that talk with Ashta. I didn't understand her, she's smart and a great detective. How could she be on the end of domestic violence? I knew it could happen to anyone, I wasn't dumb. But to see her bruised and beaten, I took it personally. I was on my computer now looking through her files to find an emergency contact. If she's dating anyone, I'd be paying them a visit right now.

I didn't think much of her when she first transferred here. Pretty girl, innocent doe eyes, but vicious when taking down the bad guys. She kept her distance from everyone not wanting to step on any toes, but even after everyone had trusted her, she still looked at all of us like we were stranger to her. She says she trusted us, but I don't think that was entirely true. As far I could remember she was single and lived on her own. Her files don't say anything about her family or siblings. She doesn't even have an emergency contact after all this time. As far as knew, she was alone. I thought about having her transferred at one point, but for some reason I kept putting it off. Maybe the fact I knew nothing about her made me somewhat attracted to her. Hell I'd never tell her that, but I still wanted to know who she was. She seemed to have some sort of connection to the Yang case, and even though it was a small connection, I had my suspicion that she may have personally know someone who was a victim of the Chicago Butcher. Maybe she herself was a victim. My desk phone was ringing and I answered it.

"Voight." I replied.

"We got another homicide down on North and Jermaine." Trudy responded.

"I'm heading over." I replied and stood up grabbing my gun and vest. I moved out into the den and looked at everyone.

"Let's saddle up. Got another homicide on North and Jermaine." I said. Adam stood up now.

"Boss, just got another call from dispatch, there was another murder just two neighborhoods over on Monroe's street." he said. I frowned heavily.

"What the hell is going on? Okay Kevin and Ruzek we're going to North and Main. Halstead, Hailey and Kim take Monroe's street. Someone call Antonio and Levi and let them know what's going on. Antonio meets up with Halstead's team and Levi will meet our team. Let's move out!" I demanded.

Ashta's POV

We knocked on the door four doors down from the Yangs after we cleared the house of not having drugs. The door opened and a familiar old woman was already waving her hand at us.

"I already told the cops yesterday that I didn't seen nothing." she replied moving to close the door, but I stepped closer to the door upon remembering her face. She had been her since I was a little girl.

"But maybe you will talk to me Mrs. Bernstein?" I said and she stopped and looked at me through her thick round glasses. She blinked a bit and opened the door more.

"Ashta?" she asked and I nodded and her pale blue eyes lit up like the night sky. "Oh Ashta it's so good to see you!" We embraced each other and I smiled feeling her soft hands rub my back.

"May we come in, Mrs. Bernstein?" I asked.

"I'd be insulted if you didn't." she said and moved back to let us enter. I glanced at Antonio and moved inside with him behind me. The house always smelled tidy and clean. "Please sit." I sat down on the soft pink couch she had and Antonio joined me.

"Mrs. Bernstein, we're investigating the Yang murder down the hall." he started but she was already nodding as she entered from the kitchen with a cup of tea. I could smell the chamomile from here.

"Horrible what happened to them. I mean you lose four kids and then your own kid kills you. It's tragic." she said and Antonio and I looked at each other before looking back at her.

"Did you ever see Remy hanging out with other characters, maybe some that would make you worry?" I asked. Mrs. Bernstein looked up in thought.

"Well I can't say for sure. He comes and goes and was always running errands for his parents to keep him out of trouble. Now I did see him with a really tall man a few days ago." she explained.

"Tall man?" Antonio asked and my eyes flexed some at her words.

"Yes. As tall as a tree, strong looking too. Clean shaven face, some big tattoo on his arm. I've seen them together quite a lot. I did voice my concern to his parents but they said the young man was from his support group." she said. My entire body stiffened now at her words and I shifted a bit to the edge of my seat.

"What support group?" I asked lowly. Mrs. Bernstein hummed in thought.

"A group for all the children who were victims of that horrible Chicago Butcher. I think it's called the Forgotten Children's Support group." she said. I was frowning more than I knew and I looked away in thought. That fucking liar. "Sounds depressing doesn't it. But that's what they wanted to name it I suppose." After we were finished with Mrs. Bernstein we headed to the door.

"Thank you for your help Mrs. Bernstein." I replied with a dry smile, but she smiled sweetly and took my hand.

"I know what happened to you too, Ashta. You're not alone. Go to that group if you're feeling lost" she said. Oh she had no idea how alone I was. I just continued to smile before nodding and separating from her. Antonio was waiting for me a few doors down when I met him.

"So Remy was hanging with some guy from their support group. Maybe he's supplying the heroine through the support group?" he asked. I nodded.

"Maybe." I said, but I knew it wasn't true. I'm a cop none of us would do drugs during out get togethers. But it wouldn't hurt to ask. "Shouldn't be too hard to figure out where the group meets. I'll go check it out." I replied. Antonio looked me over.

"You need any help?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No. Should be fine." I replied and he nodded before pulling his phone from his coat pocket.

"Dawson… what… shit. Okay we're on our way." he said and hung up. I noticed how alert he looked as he looked at me. "We got two more homicides. Hank wants us at each one. I'm going to drop you off on our way in." I winced and nodded and we hurried to his car and took off. Please don't let these homicides be connected.


	5. Chapter 5

5

Antonio was only going ten miles over the speed limit. Guess these homicides weren't going anywhere or there was no sign of an apparent threat. I had my eyes out the window thinking of what I was going to do with Cesar once I saw him. How could he lie to me? Why would he lie to me, he didn't have a reason to unless he was involved in this. He had no reason to hurt Remy or his parents especially after what they've both been through.

"So… this rough stuff… you like that kind of stuff?" Antonio asked lowly as if not trying to really ask. I slowly looked at him. Oh, I know we weren't having this conversation right now. I ducked my head some and looked away.

"I like to get a little dangerous now and then." I merely answered. I could tell he was mildly put off but nodded once.

"So you're seeing someone?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No." I replied.

"And you're not getting beat on- abused?" he asked. I shook my head again.

"I am not." I replied.

"So why didn't you say anything, you know how this looks to us right?" he asked, his tone raised a bit.

"Because who I fuck is not anyone's business." I stated firmly. I didn't care what they thought of my bruises. They were a mark of survival as I built my tough skin. I wouldn't be weak anymore.

"Are you at least being safe?" he asked. Every day of my life.

"Yes. Of course. I wouldn't continue to see you if I decided to be so reckless. Anything I go through, I would do it alone." I replied.

"But you're not alone. Truth be told, you have friends here in the department." he said.

"Yeah well I didn't ask for your friendship." I said viciously, before sighing that I said it out loud.

"Woah where the hell did that come from?" he asked angrily. I shook my head and looked at him, the anger apparent.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it." I replied.

"Well by how much of a distance you keep from all of us, I really think you meant it." he said and I looked away feeling my walls build back up but before I put that last brick atop of it, I thought maybe I owed him a small explanation. I glanced at him in thought. He's always been straight with me, all of them have. But if I do, then that lets him in. He steps over my wall and becomes a small part of my circle.

"I don't have a family anymore." I merely replied. There was more silence now and he glanced at me before looking back at the road.

"Can I ask what happened to them?" he asked.

"No." I replied swiftly and he nodded.

"Okay." he said lightly and we were quiet once more and I just remained quiet. "So… you want me to be rough with you?" I choked on air and cleared my cleared my throat as I looked at him.

"What?" I asked. He glanced at my neck before motioning his head at it.

"Belt mark… you need to be strangled or something to get off? If that's something you like… I'd be willing to try it with you." he muttered some and I just stared at him stunned. He would try that? Why? That's not who he was. He liked to grip hips and smack ass. I found myself smiling releasing a light chuckle.

"Antonio, I don't want you to change your habits for me. I like your habits." I replied.

"But you didn't cum last time." he blurted out glancing at me, and I shrugged.

"So? Not everyone does." I replied and he just shook his head.

"You've made me cum each time we're together. I feel, I don't know, maybe like it's one sided if you don't cum." he said and I could see the crowd of officers coming into view. There was a brick, two story home with cops all over it.

"Let's talk about this later." I said lightly and he just nodded.

"Yeah okay." he said and I just got out. He was getting too close. I mean he shouldn't care so much. It's just sex. I walked to Kevin and Adam.

"Hey what's happened?" I asked. Adam lifted the yellow tape for me to move under and I did. We entered the house and I was hit with the smell of rotting flesh. I covered my nose with my sleeve as I looked to my left. There they were, lying on a smashed coffee table.

"Karen and Nigel Haynes. Forty-five and fifty. Single gunshot, execution style. Got a call from ballistics, the gun used at the Yang case was matched to a 9 mm Beretta. Get this, there was another death on Monroe's street. Halstead said the bullets used for the three dead match the same gun. Same gun, three different murders, there are all a match." Kevin explained. I winced at the news.

"We've got ourselves a serial killer." I said and noticed the paramedics carrying two black body bags from the upstairs. I tensed. "Children?" Adam nodded slowly pointing to two different blood splatters on the wall close to the kitchen doorway. Two chairs were there, caked in blood.

"Amy and Tyler Haynes. Nine and twelve. The bastard made them watch as he killed their parents before killing them and bringing them upstairs and putting them to bed." he explained. Hank was following the paramedics when he saw us and came over.

"Well we got one more kid to look for. Fifteen-year-old Jessica Haynes has her own room. Her body isn't here so we gotta assume she's somewhere out there." he explained and I looked around the room for a moment. I began to look around the room for a moment before Hank approached me.

"Hey. You get anything from your end?" he asked. I swallowed some and nodded.

"Yes. Remy was hanging out with someone, someone I am familiar with from our youth. Maybe he is involved" I replied lowly.

"This someone got a name?" he asked, watching me carefully. Before I could reply there was a loud clang coming from upstairs and we all looked up and around, our guns coming out. Hank looked at us and motioned for us to follow with caution. We did and the four of us headed up stairs. Once at the top we followed Hank to our left we separated into the two bedrooms that we found. Adam and Kevin checked out the parent's bedroom and from the boy band and popstar posters, I assumed it was Jessica's room. Maybe the killer was still here? Hank and I scanned the room quickly before our eyes came to the long brown closet. Hank and I looked at each other and he moved along the side as I raised my gun preparing to fire.

He placed his hand on the door knob and looked at me and I confirmed that I was read. He silently mouthed a count down. 3…2…1. He opened the door and the second I saw hands in the air I yelled.

"POLICE SHOW ME YOUR HANDS!" I yelled and Hank moved around pointing his gun but once we saw the young brunette girl on her knees shaking we lowered our guns immediately.

"Jessica?" Hank said and she looked up and nodded, blood painted her face and she just kept nodding as she whimpered. Hank placed his gun away and raised his hands.

"Hey we're not going to hurt you." he said and I put my gun away and moved over to her as we helped her up.

"Are you hurt?" I asked quickly and her lips quivered as she just started to sob.

"He didn't kill me… he didn't kill me." she cried and Hank yelled for paramedics. She suddenly looked at me and grabbed my hand. She looked me dead in the eyes and they were wild and filled with a look I knew all too well. Her world had blown and her eyes were crazed.

"Are you Ashta?" she asked swiftly and I leaned back stunned that she knew my name. Hank looked at me sharply and I just nodded. "He wanted me to give you a message in return for my life." I looked at Hank flabbergasted. This psycho knew me? What the hell was going on? I looked at her.

"What? What did he say?" I asked trying to sound sympathetic. She just leaned into me and I leaned into her as she shakenly cupped her hands over my ear.

"I've become unhinged."

My eyes widened and my body was frozen as she leaned away from me and I looked down at her with wide eyes. She did not just say that. There was no point asking if she had misheard. There was on mishearing that. Hank looked at me carefully and I just stepped away as the paramedics came to help her. Hank was on the other side, but I just walked through the door needing to get air. My entire body was tight and I felt like I was suffocating in the room. My heart was pounding hard and my stomach knotted up. This wasn't happening. No it wasn't one of us who would do this. They couldn't do this! They are good people.

Ashta!" Hank calls but I just kept moving until I was outside. I took large breaths and gripped my chest hard. Eyes were all on me and I felt the world was watching me suddenly. I felt a hard-gloved hand on my shoulder and I looked at Hank as he looked at me hard.

"What the hell was that?" he asked and he leaned back as if caught off guard by something. It didn't take me long to realize my face was wet with tears. I just looked up at him unsure of what to do.

After Jessica was taken to the hospital, Hank commanded everyone head back to Intelligence to further discuss the killings. I was told to ride with him. I couldn't hide it anymore, I knew that much. I had given myself away by letting my emotions get the best of me. My suspicions were true when Hank ended up driving us to the docks instead of back to the station. He parked the car, shut it off then looked at me. He seemed to be trying to figure me out.

"No more secrets. I want the truth." he said. I just stared at him blinking slowly.

"What do you want to know?" I asked blankly.

"How is Remy Yang connected to you?" he asked seriously and his tone was dark and demanding and I just took an even breath.

"We go to the same support group called the Forgotten Children. It's for victims who survived the Chicago Butcher." I answered and Hank's eyes lightened just a bit before the dark alpha eyes faded over.

"You were one of the victims." he said. I nodded.

"He killed my brothers and parents in front of me when I was twelve. Guess he thought I was special." I said, my body starting to shake some, but I refused to come undone now.

"What did she whisper to you, that freaked out so much?" he asked. I was quiet for a few seconds.

"'I've become unhinged'." I answered and he shook his head and shrugged.

"What does that mean?" he asked. More tears flowed down my cheeks as I just looked ahead at the calm water.

"It's a code phrase, I guess you could say. When one of us says that it means we've lost our battle with trying to keep our sanity, the trauma is too painful for us that hurting others is the only thing that can make us feel better, to get the raw emotions out. The want to make others suffer is there and we want to act on it. We don't care about the consequences of our actions as long as we get to inflict pain on someone like the Butcher did. It's the only thing some of us feel would make us feel better. But we all agreed to tell each other so if they ever uttered that sentence we'd agreed to distance ourselves from them." I explained. Hank just stared at me with a light gaze.

"In case you become unhinged too from the trauma." he said.

"Or maybe we don't want to be involved or get hurt ourselves… Remy said that before he jumped. Jessica Hayne said it too. It's someone from our support group." I stated and Hank just rubbed his hand over his mouth.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I couldn't… Remy was just a coincidence or so I thought. I had seen him a month ago, that part is true. He was fine from what I remembered. I just thought this was his past coming back too strong for him. But now I don't know." I said and he just stared at me and for once he looked hurt, but the hard mask started to show again.

"You ever feel… unhinged?" he asked. I could tell he was trying to read me, figure me out to see if somehow, I am no longer a detective but a monster. I scoffed wiping my face.

"No… I found out about the other victims through therapists. I wanted to get help and the government provided the money to do it. I have other ways of dealing with my trauma, because it is there Hank. It will always be there inside me. I won't deny that. But I would never hurt anyone. It's why I became a cop. That's why I can't get too close to any of you guys. Because to care for you all would mean to feel that trauma once more if something happens to you." I explained. He stared at me for a moment.

"This person who got rough with you, he from your support group?" he asked and I winced and looked away not wanting to say anymore because I didn't want these two worlds to collide. I sighed some and nodded.

"Yes. But it's all mutual roughness. He's not beating me or anything." I said and he just shook his head and looked at the lake.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Ashta. The pain you purposely put on yourself isn't going to stop the pain you feel." he said. "Trust me I know… I lost my son a few years back and taking care of his killer didn't do too much on taking the pain away." I looked at him and sniffled some.

"I didn't know you had a son." I replied gently and he looked at me with a weak smile.

"There's a lot you don't know about me or any of us. Look Ashta, you don't have to go through this alone. We may not have experienced the horrors you've experienced as a child, shit no child should have to, but our team is tough and has dealt with trauma too. Don't count us out so quickly." he said and I looked at him for a moment before looking down some.

"I understand… Hank we've both put it together that someone from our support group has gone off the deep end. He or she will be killing a lot more. Now some of them are doing fine with their lives. But I know we can't count them out." I said and he nodded.

"So we gotta talk to all the members." he said. I nodded.

"Our group has gotten smaller over the years of course, because some believe they are completely fine." I replied. Hank nodded and began to start the car.

"We'll need a list of everyone you know that attends frequently and who has shown signs of… becoming unhinged. You'll be working with me." he said and I just nodded.

"I could probably get a few people to willingly come in. They'll want to clear their names." I explained and he nodded.

"That'll work." he said. "And Ashta, the guy who did that to you try to see if you can get him into the station today." I looked at him hearing the graveness in his tone and I just nodded.

"Alright… no problem." I replied. Oh Hank what are you going to do?


	6. Chapter 6

6

I felt completely exposed now. Having admitted everything to Hank, having to unlock that dark box to someone who didn't go through what I went through, made me paranoid.

"I feel vulnerable and exposed right now. Like I made a mistake telling you this." I replied looking at Hank. He glanced at me before looking back at the road.

"It's not easy having to show the entirety of who you are." he said and I scoffed.

"Yeah especially to someone who doesn't trust me." I said and it was quiet again.

"I trust you, Ashta. But it wasn't a good look, you hiding things from me, from your team it never is. People are dying and we have to stop whoever is responsible. Is there anything else I need to know in order to catch this guy?" he asked. I was quiet for a long moment and that was enough to tell him that there was.

"Someone from our group was hanging with Remy more than usual, one of the neighbors and Remy's parents confirmed it." I said. "I don't know if he's in charge of the heroine or even involved with these recent murders."

"This guy got a name?" he asked and I nodded biting my cheek not wanting to say his name.

"Cesar Carson. He and I use each other to release our stress and pain so we don't become unhinged." I said.

"You mean he beats you when he's angry." he said. I frowned at his assumption thinking we just went over this.

"No he fucks me when we both need to release our feelings." I snapped and Hank shot me a glare and I just scoffed and looked away. God I hated that he brought out these feelings in me, making me feel week and unprotected. "I'll never expect you to understand me. So let's just move on from this conversation so we can catch this guy. Please."

Hank's POV

Our entire conversation rattled in my brain a bit. I never would have guessed one of my detectives was a victim of the Chicago Butcher. Even though she came off as a private person I would have never guessed. She was good with keeping herself blocked off from everyone. But even though she said she didn't feel the same way as this murderous bastard, I still worried she wasn't handling her problems in a healthy way. I mean fighting during sex? Sure there was nothing wrong with aggressive sex, but she looked like she got into a small brawl with someone and I couldn't have her coming in every week with bruises on her face. If this case doesn't destroy her then her ways of relieving stress would. No, this had to stop. I can't let anyone, especially not a man, beat up on her. My jaw tightened and I looked away.

I was thinking that maybe I should take her off this case, and just use her as a consultant, keep her out of the brunt of everything.

"Look. Since you are technically involved in this case, I think you should be our consultant on this. You know point us in the right direction to take this guy down." I said. She whipped her head at me stunned.

"Boss, my group will not trust any other cops except me. A badge couldn't save us as children and I'm sure some of them will still think that today. I can relate to them, so they will open up more to me." she explained, calmer now and I just frowned thinking she was right. I couldn't even imagine what she had gone through. How she manages to stay sane all this time even with her sexual habits, is still short of a miracle. She was on her phone through most of the drive.

"Some of the group members will come in tomorrow… Cesar, I am not sure about." she said lowly and I glanced at her. I wasn't used to seeing her look so responsive like this. She always looked dazed or calm as if nothing bothered her. But I could tell speaking of this guy really got to her.

"What's he do for work?" I asked and she looked at me.

"He works in construction. He likes to build things, he's very good." she replied with a hint of impression in her tone. I looked her over upon hearing it. I knew they had history, and I felt I should take that into consideration when I personally interview him. But upon seeing the belt mark around her neck, I knew I wanted to beat the living shit out of this guy.

"Well if this guy got nothing to hide I'm sure he'd have no trouble coming to the station." I stated. I needed to calm down, my knuckles were turning white from gripping the wheel too hard. I just couldn't get this dude out of my mind.

"Okay just keep trying to get anyone in." I demanded.

Ashta's POV

I left voicemails and text messages to other members. It felt wrong involving them, but then I remembered one of them was a killer. This would be harder than I thought. My worlds were colliding and I couldn't stop it. I called Cesar and got his voicemail.

"You lied to me. I'm very disappointed and I can't see you anymore. You want to make it right, come to the station. If you don't, then don't bother coming around." I hung up and did my best to stop the shaking. I knew it was an empty threat, but I would follow through if he ended up not showing up. I still couldn't believe he lied to me, that he may have been involved with Remy's death.

But maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was just trying to be a supportive friend to Remy. Now was not the time to jump to conclusions. I would need to get to work in finding the answers before someone else was killed.

Hank looked at me quizzically and I looked at him.

"He wouldn't risk losing me. Maybe it will get him to show up." Hank just nodded and continued driving. Once we arrived at the station I just sat at my desk listening to Antonio discuss the Monroe murder. Tammy and David Lane, a newlywed couple who just got married three days ago. That's definitely an easy way to hurt two families by killing their just married children.

"No one saw anything." Hailey said with a sigh and Hank nodded.

"Well we got a new lead. Ashta, want to fill the team in?" Hank asked and I shot him a look that was close to saying 'hell no' and he noticed but I nodded. I stood up and looked at everyone. Immediately I felt my body trembling as I felt a tremendous weight on my shoulders.

"The killer may be someone I know. I am a part of the support group for victims of the Chicago Butcher. Now both Remy Yang and Jessica Haynes said a phrase that has alerted me that the killer is from our group. They said 'I've become unhinged'. The key word unhinged. It means someone has gone off the deep end and is so traumatized by what happened to them, that the only way to feel any better is to start hurting others or worse… killing them. Another member, Cesar Carson was seen hanging with Remy a lot more than the other members. That's as much as I know. He may or may not have given Remy heroin." I replied. I could see Antonio's look of betrayal turn to anger. I knew he was mad I didn't say anything about Cesar's identity back at Mrs. Bernstein's place.

"Ashta's going to composite a list of the group's members. Some are coming in tomorrow for questioning. The press is going to eat this up so we make sure everything is done by the books. As far as we know, these last two attacks were random, but they will happen again and we need to get ahead of this. Kim and Hailey talk to the neighbors of the Lane family. Kevin and Adam go talk to the neighbors of the Haynes. Someone's got to have seen something. You don't just kill two families close without anyone seeing anything. Jay and Antonio, as soon as Ashta gets the list compiled you'll go pay a visit to some of the support members." Hank command. I lifted my head up at him upon hearing him send Hailey and Antonio to talk to them. But I knew someone had to if they wouldn't all come here.

I got started with the list first putting the names of people I knew and their numbers. I didn't want to add Cesar's name, because he and I needed to talk, but I couldn't not do it. I didn't want the team to think I was hiding something. Everyone moved into action. Once I had a list of names and phone numbers, I used our data base to get their addresses and printed the lists. I paused and just stared at this long list on my computer screen. I shook my head feeling like this wasn't right. I was betraying them, it felt. I looked down feeling my palms begin to sweat and I placed my hands over my face for a split second before getting up and moving from the room. I headed down the hall.

"Ashta wait!" I heard Antonio call but I just raised my hand to him.

"Not now Antonio please!" I yelled and continued to move fast. I felt like my heart was going to explode. Everything was a blur around me. I needed some air. I needed to get out of here. Everything just felt so fucked up. I moved down the stairs and through the chain door. I had my eyes on the ground for a long moment until familiar black boots flashed into my eye sight. I wasn't able to stop in time before I ran into the owner of the boots. My chest collided into his, and his hands locked around my back to catch me. I was shocked to see him here.

"Cesar." I said and Cesar looked down at me calmly before giving a weak smile.

"Hey detective. Heard you've been looking for me." he said smoothly. His face was bruised his right eye black and blue from our last sessions. His hold began to tighten around me some as he began to lean into me. My eyes widened as his lips were growing closer and closer to me. Oh he was not going to kiss me right now. We've never kissed in public so the action freaked me out.

"Hey." I heard an aggressive tone as I looked back to see Hank walking up to us. Cesar released me and his eyes glared down at Hank as he had height advantage over my boss. But Hank didn't look afraid at all. "You Cesar Carson?" I tensed immediately at the way the two were looking at each other. Two alphas not afraid of anything. Cesar nodded.

"Last time I checked." he said, and Hank nodded slowly watching Cesar carefully.

"Good, we've been looking for you. I guess you wouldn't mind answering some questions." he said and Cesar just looked him over before scoffing.

"I'll only talk to Ashta." he said, eyes starting to blank. The emotion was draining from his orbs, a sign he was already bored with speaking to Hank.

"Not your call. I run things here." he said. Cesar just stared down at him.

"And you think that means anything to me? You think you having a badge means anything to me?" he asked in a chilling tone and I just looked at Hank reminding him with my eyes to take this easy. He knows that members in my support group won't talk to anyone. Hank just smirked as if amused and that scared me more than just seeing the two here.

"Let's go." he said turning from Cesar which was definitely a sign of disrespect. Cesar was about to make a quick move on Hank, but I placed my hand on his shoulder and slid around him glaring him to behave.

"Behave. You owe me that much for lying." I said lowly and Cesar just leaned back some and looked away with a scoff before following Hank and I was right behind both men as they moved down the familiar hall leading to the interrogation rooms.


	7. Chapter 7

7

I knew Antonio was watching behind the glass as Hank and I were on the other side of the table. Cesar sat a few inches from the table since his knees were obviously jammed beneath the table. He just looked at me calm and collective like nothing was wrong. I just stared back with disappointment as if I didn't know him at all. God there was too much testosterone floating around me right now. I could hardly breathe.

"Remy Yang. Tell me about him." Hank started. But Cesar's eyes did not leave from my face. It was like he didn't even hear Hank's demand but the mild tilt of his head told me he heard him, but he wouldn't answer.

"Tell us about Remy." I said and Cesar lifted his head some and shrugged casually.

"We hung out a lot. I could tell his mind was starting to really collapse on itself. So I was just that ear for him to talk into. I was worried for him." he said, and I just continued to stare with disappointment.

"Care to explain the heroine found in his system?" Hank pressed, but Cesar still didn't acknowledge him. I frowned some at how difficult he was being.

"Heroine?" I merely asked. Cesar nodded.

"Yeah he was on it. It helped him cope. Tried to talk him out of it, but he said it was the only way to stop from becoming unhinged. Who was I to stop him." he said smoothly.

"But it made him come unhinged quicker apparently." I said and he looked down with guilt and nodded.

"I guess so." he said and I looked up at Hank who just stood there with his arms crossed.

"And you expect me to believe that you had nothing to do with his murder and the drugs?" he asked.

"I don't care what you think. What I say is the truth." Cesar replied firmly as he finally looked at Hank. I inhaled some.

"There were two other murders today." I replied and Cesar nodded.

"I heard." he said and I nodded.

"One kid survived. You know what she said to me?" I asked. Cesar just stared at me.

"Enlighten me." he said. I stiffened.

"I've become unhinged." I replied. Cesar just nodded slowly.

"So one of us has gone off the deep end and decided to just let loose." he said and sighed crossing his arms. "Guess it was only a matter of time." I nodded.

"It would appear so." I replied.

"Has anyone from your support group shown signs of withdrawal or shown signs of any behavioral changes?" Hank asked. Cesar was silent as his eyes finally softened on me and he slowly moves his hands across the table toward me.

"I'm sorry I lied to you. I didn't want to betray Remy's trust even after death." he said and I winced some and looked away as Hank stepped closer.

"Levi, leave." he demanded and I glanced up at Hank before getting up from the table.

"You can break one of my ribs if you want next time!" he called out as I opened the door disappeared through it. I pressed my body against the door and looked up at Antonio as he approached me.

"You okay?" he asked and I nodded looking at him with honest sincerity.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about Cesar." I replied and he shook his head.

"Don't worry about it. I just hope this means we can be honest in the future." he said and I nodded and we both moved back to the window to watch.

"Look man I don't know what else you want me to say. Sure I should have gone to someone to help him, but if I did it would have felt like betraying him. You all wouldn't understand." Cesar said.

"But Ashta does?" Hank asked.

"Yeah because she's one of us. We can look into each other's eyes and see a dark pain that nothing could ever save us from. All we have is each other." he explained. Hank glanced back at the window and it was like he was looking right at me.

"So Remy Yang… you know he murdered his parents?" he asked. Cesar frowned and shook his head.

"Remy wouldn't kill his folks." he said.

"Then maybe you know someone who did? You know where he got the heroine maybe a drug dealer looking to stir up some trouble.?" he asked. Cesar shook his head.

"No. I don't know anything about his murder just that he was on drugs. If there's nothing else. I'm out." he said standing up and Hank just watched.

"Yeah you're right. Thanks for coming in." he said. Now that that was over I looked at Antonio.

"Here let me get you the support group list." I said and moved down the hall of which he followed.

Normal POV

As Cesar was moving to the door, Hank side stepped him and blocked him looking up at him with a polite smirk that had hidden intentions. Cesar just looked down at him with a frown.

"This thing that's going on with my detective… it stops now. You're not to see her anymore, call her, text her have 0 communication with her." he said and Cesar arched a brow slowly smiling himself.

"You're out of your league old man." he said and walked around Hank who just wiped the tip of his nose with his thumb and turned to him.

"If I see any more bruises on her… you and I will be talking again." he threatened and Cesar smirked as he continued to open the door.

"Looking forward to it." he replied his smirk still on his face. An officer led him down the hall and Hank just watched as he left with a serious frown on his face. He considered himself lucky that none of his detectives heard his threat. He really didn't want to have to explain himself. Even though he was sure none of them would ask. Maybe Ashta, but still.

Ashta's POV

Hours passed and Hailey and Antonio returned looking rather disappointed. No one on the list gave would speak to them even after finding out that one of their own had gone off the deep end.

"What are we doing wrong, Ashta?" Hailey asked after plopping down in her chair. I looked at her kindly.

"They're afraid, Hailey. Cops are not a symbol of protection for some of them. Even those who have grown and feel rehabilitated. I'll go out and talk to them. Some of them know me and others who don't will talk to me when they know I am one of them." I explained. Everyone nodded before getting back to work on the newest two murders. We worked different angles, going through cell phones and talking to neighbors and family members. No one saw a thing. It was getting late and my eyes were still roaming the list of group members. I was able to find new member names but they were all strangers to me. Talking to them would be tough. Would be tough.

The entire room was quiet and that's when I noticed I was the only one here. I glanced back to Hank's office to see he was still there reading over some files for the case I assumed. I turned back to my desk with a hint of mild relief. No one scowled or looked upset after revealing the news of my past. They all looked encouraging as if ready to be here for me if I needed it. I sighed, maybe I was just overthinking it. I closed my eyes and wished I could wake up and this all be a dream, all of it before the murders.

But maybe, now that the secret was out, I didn't have to hide or be so closed off. I scoffed at myself.

"Love is a human emotion. I don't need it." I repeated Cesar's words. I bit my lip thinking about his interview with Hank. I was sure he would feel some type of way about all of this and would need someone to take it out on. I picked up my phone and opened my messages to text him, but I paused before doing anything else. I glanced up at Hank's office staring at him for a moment. He always looked either relaxed or deep in thought when looking over files. I got up and moved towards his office. What I was doing, I had no clue. The door was opened so I stopped a few inches from the doorway.

"Hey, boss. You busy?" I asked. Hank looked up at me with a face that said 'really?'. Dumb question.

"Just looking over some files. What's up?" he asked. I shrugged now and just shook my head casually.

"I wanted to see if you wanted to get a drink with me?" I asked. Why would I even ask that. Hank leaned up a bit taken aback.

"You want to get a drink?" he asked and I just shook my head immediately. Close the door, lock it, swallow the key, and let the stomach acid devour it.

"You know what, forget it." I replied turning to move back to my desk.

"Hey!" Hank called and I paused and turned to look at him. He looked almost proud as he gave a light smile. "Yeah. I could definitely use a beer."


	8. Chapter 8

8

The bar I followed Hank to wasn't too packed, but most of the tables were taken.

"Want to sit at the bar?" He asked and I just nodded and followed him over. I looked around at the place taking note of the pool tables off to the side and a few game machines on the other side.

"You and the team come here?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yeah. To celebrate and to remember fallen comrades." he said and I nodded looking at the bottle of beer brought to me. Hank seemed to have no issues drinking down his alcohol. But I just sipped it. He gave me a side glance.

"Not much of a drinker, I presume." he said and I shook my head.

"Not really. I was always afraid alcohol would bring back the dark memories in me and would somehow make me unhinged. I always want to be in a state of clearness." I said and he nodded raising his beer some.

"So why invite me here?" he asked, and I shrugged smiling some.

"I thought it would be something you'd like." I answered. He nodded, his eyes watching me with a hint of softness?

"So tell me if the bar scene isn't your thing, what is?" he asked. I smiled a bit more.

"You trying to get to know me?" I asked humorously. He smirked.

"I'm trying to get to know my detective, that is if you're trying to open up here." he said. I stared at him for a moment not feeling unsure. I've never really opened up to anyone who wasn't a part of my support group, but I nodded slowly.

"I can try." I replied softly and he nodded smiling lightly.

"I'll take it." he said. I knew I wouldn't really see this side of him again, so I knew I'd have to take all I could get. I remembered he asked a question and I looked up in thought.

"I liked to swim." I replied. He tilted his head to the side with an arched brow.

"Liked?" he asked. I nodded.

"After my parent's death, I didn't care about hobbies or doing anything that would bring me joy. I was in an out of foster care, surviving those who wished to hurt me and looking for anyone who was like me. As I got older, I just focused on my job." I replied. Hank's eyes never left my face as I spoke and he just nodded slowly.

"Well you have an impressive file. You've been quite a jewel to your other teams. Heard a lot of them didn't want to give you up." he said. I grinned running the tip of my middle finger around the spout of the bottle.

"I'm good at what I do." I answered and he nodded.

"Yes you are." he said. I noticed the look in his eyes, it was familiar. I've seen it before in two other men. No way. I was obviously hallucinating. The bartender approached and he looked worried.

"Something wrong with the beer, sweetheart? Noticed you haven't touched it?" he asked and I looked at him seeming embarrassed.

"Oh sorry. Don't have the stomach I guess. Can I get a coke?" I asked and he smiled.

"You got it." he said and winked before moving back down the bar. I smiled my thanks and heard Hank scoff humorously.

"Innocent charm." he said and I looked at confused by his words.

"What?" I asked and he motioned his head to the bartender.

"I've always wondered what it was about you that changed the tension in the air when around dangerous criminals. You've got an innocent charm about you that's hard to ignore. It's in the eyes." he said. I arched a brow not fully understanding.

"I don't understand." I replied. He quickly pointed to my face.

"There it is right there. Your eyes are soft and gentle like you've got nothing to hide." he said and I blinked and touched my cheeks.

"I don't have anything to hide though." I replied. He nodded as he stared at me as if searching my eyes for the truth. He nodded and looked ahead and when my coke was brought I smiled and thanked the man before looking back at Hank. "Would this be considered a weakness? I never knew I had this… innocent charm. If you notice it then everyone must notice this." He shook his head.

"Nah it's not a weakness. It's your most powerful ability." he said as if mildly amused. I nodded looking down feeling my mind blank on me as if it was already checking out of the conversation.

"If my family were still here, I would have continued swimming and painting and photography." I replied and Hank nodded smiling some.

"You're good. I've seen some of the sketches you have on the side of your desk." he said and I smiled a bit before looking him over.

"What about you, Hank? You got hobbies?" I asked.

"I'm not really a hobby guy." he said and I nodded.

"You married?" I asked before taking a sip of my coke. I received silence and glanced at him so see him staring at his beer.

"I was married once. She died. Cancer or so I've been told." he said flatly. A light frown was playing on his face. "She may have gone through a chemo overdose by her doctor. No one really knows. But I think he killed her." I stared at him for a moment watching the soft shade of anger spread through his orbs. His eyes knew pain, I could see it.

"I'm sorry." I replied softly. He nodded.

"I've made peace with it. Have you, made peace with your loss?" he asked. I parted my lips to speak, but no words came out. Why did I pause? I've been with my support group for years, but I never once asked myself if I was over my family's death.

"No." I said honestly looking at Hank now. "But I want to. Even after the man who destroyed my life was executed, I still felt really really really fucking sad."

"Maybe you need to speak to someone else, someone professional, not just a bunch of people who can tell you how their loved ones die, because I can guarantee you this will eat you alive if you don't." he said and I leaned back now from him as if he had just said something downright absurd.

"You're joking." I stated and he arched a brow.

"Does it look like I'm joking?" he asked and after trying to get his face to crack with my stare, which failed, I leaned back some.

"What can another group therapy session do that mine can't?" I asked seriously.

"Bring you peace. And not just a group. It's time you just talk to someone one on one." he said. Talk to someone one on one? Tell someone the dangerous thoughts I've actually thought of before? So they could lock me away and declare me a danger to the community or to myself? I'm a cop for gods sake. I can't have them looking at me different, I didn't want anyone to think I was crazy. Maybe this is what Remy felt. Overwhelming panic that he'd be ostracized by everyone around him. I looked away quickly at the thought, my mind starting to race now.

"Hey, hey, don't panic. It's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want. I'm just suggesting it may be something you need, something new." Hank said quickly. I feel the warmth of his hand over mine and I found that really weird myself, but I just shook it off to a man concerned about his detective. I nodded finally and looked at him.

"Thanks. I'll see about it." I said. I think we both know it was empty words.

"Hey I know you're afraid of a change like this, but I care about you and I want you to be the best you can be. You deserve that much." he said. I looked away in thought before realizing he was right. Maybe talking to the same people for years and years on end was just me settling with acceptance of a dull existence. I mean working with the team was my only source of making me feel alive. I smiled with appreciation at Hank.

"Thank you." I replied and he nodded.

"You're welcome." he said. Out of the corner of my eye I could see his hand still atop of mine.

"Hey can I take you somewhere?" I asked lightly and he looked me over at first with reserve but soon it turned into a trusting look.

"Okay sure. Probably need to walk off this alcohol anyways." he said and I grinned and nodded and we both turned from each other. I pulled my wallet out of my small bag and when I turned back, I saw Hank's wallet in his hand, his eyes darting at my wallet then at me.

"Whatever it is you're thinking, think again." he commanded.

"I invited you, I should at least take care of you." I said and he shook his head.

"I've got this. Now put your money away." he stated. I did as I was told and watched as he paid the bartender and we headed out the door. "Okay so where to?" I pointed to his right. This bar was actually close to a familiar place I hadn't been to in years.

"This way." I replied and began to walk down the sidewalk. As I moved, I began to feel paranoia for being out this long with a coworker, that wasn't involved with a case. I mean the only time a kind of thing like this happens is when I am with Antonio. Maybe this was a bad idea. I mean I was sure he'd rather be home, I mean who knows what tomorrow will bring with these past murders. "Boss, are you sure you want to continue this night?" He looked at me with steely eyes.

"We're already walking. No turning back now." he said and I looked him up and down.

"True, but it'll be late. I'm sure you're going to be exhausted in the morning." I replied. He scoffed before smirking.

"You let me worry about what all I can handle." he said tucking his hands in his jacket pockets. "Where are we going anyways?" I looked ahead at the street lights as a trail of concrete veered off to the right.

"Somewhere I haven't taken anyone or even been to in a very long time." I replied. I didn't know why I decided to show Hank this place. Maybe it was because I couldn't show Antonio or even Cesar. But I knew Hank cared about me, took a while to show it, but he did. I just took this as a normal thing coworkers did afterwork. Even though, in the depth of my mind, Hank would never just do this with any of us, he did say yes to drinks. I had to assume he wanted to just get to know the inner me while he had the chance. I led him off the sidewalk and past a large brick sign that said Greenfield Cemetery.

Hank saw the sign and began to slow down some. He knew where I was taking him.

"Ashta, we don't have to do this. We don't have to do any of this." he said. I shrugged casually.

"It doesn't bother me anymore." I replied. "You don't have to come, but this is the only time I'll let you see this part of my life." No one else would get to see this.

Hank's POV

I could tell I was going down the path of breaking my own rules. No dating your partners. But then again when did I ever follow the rules? Ashta was an entirely different breed of woman and I couldn't deny that she intrigued me. I was curious to know what was going on in her mind. I couldn't tell if this curiosity was dangerous or not though. But hell, I'm willing to follow her into a cemetery to find out. I assumed we were going to her family's graves.

And I was right. She walked off the trail and past numerous graves that were covered in vines and insects. The place wasn't spooky though. Honestly, it was peaceful and beautiful. It was a large field of graves with numerous trails, so you didn't walk over any of the dead. Ashta remained in the middle of the trail, observing each stone she passed with respect and care. As she walked, I found my eyes roaming down her body. I wasn't blind and I was no fool. I saw the way some of the guys in the squad looked at her when she first arrived. They weren't really hiding the fact they were checking her out and after noticing that, I came to the conclusion that she would be too much of a distraction. I even began writing up the paper work for her transfer that same day, but what reason did I have to move her? Because my men couldn't control their eyes. No I wouldn't do a cop dirty like that, it wasn't her fault. As they all worked together though, the stares stopped.

She had curves that much was true, a nice round bottom and was supporting double ds. I knew I shouldn't be paying this close attention to my subordinate, but I couldn't help it. I guess I could understand why she and Antonio were sleeping around. Oh yeah, I knew all about that. I found out through video footage of the parking garage. I look over it every so often to make sure bums weren't hiding or sleeping out there. They'd sleep about anywhere with a sturdy roof over their heads. A few months ago, I saw them walking to their cars when Antonio grabbed her pulled her into him. At first, I was concerned because Ashta pushed back from him in shock.

But she gave in, moved into his embraced and shared a heated kiss I had never seen before. It was deep and filled with raw emotion. I should have ended it right there. My rules were meant to be followed even if I have to break them sometimes. Antonio was my boy, and I knew I'd be having a talk with him tomorrow before the support group members came in. I'd have no distractions on my team.

Ashta's POV

Hank followed behind me in silence which I didn't mind so much as we finally neared the four heads stones. I stopped and turned to the four stones. I didn't move from the trail, because I didn't have to. Hank stood beside me and just stared at them with respect.

"William, Anita, Daniel and Nathan Leviason." he said, and I closed my eyes slowly and looked down.

"He butchered them. They were screaming and begging for their lives… and he butchered them. And I heard that he did not even beg or cry or even show shame before they electrocuted him. In some way he won." I said softly and took calm even breaths. I just stared at the graves. "You said I had an innocent charm about me. It's in my eyes, maybe the Butcher saw that in me too, and wanted to destroy that about me."

"Your family may be gone, Ashta Leviason, but you're still here. You've proven that the horrors of life haven't won over you. They live on through you. They wouldn't want you hurting or suffering everyday of your life." he said, and I just nodded as I stared at the ground in front of their graves. I felt the sadness wash over me now as I felt it would.

"Hadn't been back here for months… things are too real. This is my reality it feels." I said.

"Your reality is everyday you get up and put on that badge and gun and go out into this dangerous city and protect its people." he explained. "You're a damn good cop and I'm grateful to have you on my team."

I looked at him now and smiled slowly at his words.

"Thank you, Hank. I feel a lot better." I replied and he smiled giving a nod.

"You're welcome." he said. I smiled and looked at the sky for a moment closing my eyes once more. 'I love you guys'. I opened my eyes and looked at Hank. Him being here took a lot of weight off my shoulders.

"Well that's enough depression for one day." I said and he nodded and we moved back toward the sidewalk of the town. "Tomorrow, the precinct may be full of people. If any others on the team are going to speak, you can't be hard on them. They may shut down and walk out." Hank nodded and glanced at me.

"We'll do what we got to do." he said. I nodded knowing he was right.

"I'm sorry, Cesar wasn't helpful." I said and he shook his head.

"Don't be. I have all that I need to know about him." he said. I wanted to ask what he meant until three dudes started to walk our way.

"Hey baby, what's a girl like you doing with an old man like him?" one of them called. In unison, Hank and I pulled up our shirts to reveal our badge and guns and they raised their hands in defense and parted for us to walk by. Like we were going to stop our walk for them. He smirked.

"You ain't embarrassed being seen with an old man are ya?" Hank teased and I smirked.

"Not at all. You're everything I could want and more." I said wrapping my arms around him and batting my eye lashes and we shared a laugh as we kept moving. It was completely out of character for me, but seeing him laugh, made me relieved. Once we were at our cars, I looked up at Hank with a smile.

"Goodnight, sir." I said and moved over to my car.

"Goodnight." he said, and I unlocked my car and opened it. "Hey Levi." I paused and turned to him.

"Sir?" I asked. He just stared at me for a moment, eyes looking deep and fixed on me.

"You want to do this again, sometime?" he asked. I looked him over.

"You mean just us or with the team?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Not the team, just us." he stated. Why? I wanted to ask. I mean tonight was just taking a step out of my comfort zone to get a small glimpse of what it was like to socialize. Is that what he wanted, to socialize? I shrugged. Guess it wouldn't hurt if it was just us two.

"Yes." I replied and he just nodded and got in his car. I got into mine as well and we parted until tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 9

9

The next morning, I walked into Intelligence to see everyone still here, moving about as if on a mission. I looked at Kevin as he was passing me.

"Hey what's going on?" I asked.

"Another murder." he said. I winced at the thought.

"When?" I asked.

"Two this morning." he replied walking around me.

"Is it the same guy?" I asked and he nodded.

"Guns a match." he replied. I was confused. I got no calls to come in. I checked my phone to be absolutely sure. Nothing. I moved over to Hank's office and leaned in.

"Hey. There was another murder, and I wasn't called. Who was it?" I asked. Hank was just getting out of his chair with papers in his hands.

"I needed your head to be clear for these interviews so I decided you'd sit this one out." he said. I shook my head even more confused.

"Who was the victim?" I asked. He looked at me with sympathetic eyes.

"Viola Bernstein." he replied. My entire body went numb now as I took in the name.

"Mrs. Bernstein?" I said in shock as I shook my head. This was not happening. Why would anyone go after her? Because she is good and someone wants to kill that good. I turned and began to move back to my desk grabbing my badge and gun.

"Levi stop!" Hank called as he approached behind me. I looked at him.

"I have to go to her, I- I need to figure this out!" I said and Hank shook his head.

"This is not your case! You are way too close to this and I've decided you will be on the sidelines as a consultant only. You will help interview the group members coming in. That's it." he stated and just walked past me leaving me standing there with my mouth hanging open. How could he take me off this case? How could he not want me in the field helping bring this person down. I may know him.

"Hey, Ashta, some of the group members are here." Kim said after hanging up her work phone. I glanced at her and down before nodding. I couldn't believe I had to sit this one out. Why the hell would Hank do that? It made no sense. I merely turned and moved to the door. Antonio walked beside me.

"I'll help you." he said and I nodded. I had no idea how many people were here, so it would be good to get as much help as we could. As we walked down the hall, Antonio grabbed my forearm and turned me to him. "So Hank knows about us." I stiffened at his words and looked him over.

"How bad is it?" I asked. There was no way he'd take me off a case for sleeping with a coworker. He would have already recommended I transfer to a different department. And I knew it would be me because I knew he and Antonio were close. He just shook his head but looked hopeful.

"Honestly not as bad as I thought. He says he trusts we won't be getting too close again so it doesn't interfere with our job." I winced already not liking the fact that this was just another thing Hank knew about me.

"Maybe we should not see each other. If Hank's going to keep us both here on faith alone, that means at any time he could mistake a single gesture from us as something more." I said and I could see the look of sadness on his face as he looked down and nodded.

"Yeah, maybe we should." he said and walked around me now and I groaned and rubbed my face and went after him.

"Antonio, please, you promise you wouldn't get too close and that this all was just us… fooling around." I said lowly and he raised his arms.

"Well I guess I did get too close. Look let's just get these interviews over with." he said. I moved around him, blocking his path.

"Were you there this morning at Mrs. Bernstein's house?" I asked and he sighed and looked away.

"You know I was." he said and I nodded slowly.

"And you didn't think to call or text me at all? I grew up in that neighborhood, that woman didn't do anything wrong!" I snapped.

"Yeah and neither did the Hayne's or the Lane's!" he said and I groaned.

"Why are we even arguing!" I snapped. Antonio just looked at me with weak eyes and he shook his head.

"I don't know." he said with stress in his tone and he ran his hands over his face. "Look Ashta, I like you, more than I should. And I know that jeopardizes us. So I need to know right now if you feel the same way."

I looked into his deep rich eyes wishing could tell him I liked him, tell him I felt butterflies in my stomach when he was near. But I didn't. I have never felt such feelings for anyone in my life and truth be told, I didn't want to. I sniffled some and shook my head.

"I'm sorry, I don't." I replied and he just nodded and looked down some then up at me.

"Okay. Let's get down to business. You lead the charge on this?" he asked, and I looked him over unsure if he was really okay, but I nodded.

"Alright." I replied and walked around him. He followed behind me and we left into the front lobby. I knew we would talk later if something needed to be said. We walked into the lobby, and a swaying flash of gold tresses is what made me smile first. Standing with her back to me was Mirabella Lake. She was slim and tall with bone straight hair pulled back.

"Mirabella." I approached and she turned to me with vibrant green eyes and a warm smile spread across her lips. Familiar faces were all around me and she moved over to me and hugged me.

"Hey, I got your message. I managed to talk a few of the others into coming, too." she said in a melodic tone. I looked at all of them and smiled.

"Thank you all for coming. We need to figure out who has become unhinged so we can stop them before the kill more people. You all can help us." I said and they nodded. I recognized Connie, a mother who is too overprotective of her kids. She rarely lets them out of her sight. Her parents were killed. And Danny, a sandwich shop employee. It's the longest job he's had since he finds it difficult to hold down a job. He's taking some medicine for the night terrors he's had. All of his family was killed to. Diana, a real estate agent who drinks. Her siblings were killed, but she doesn't talk to her parents anymore.

A few other detectives familiar with the case helped direct each person to a room of their own. I sat in a room alone with Mirabelle with a note pad. She shook her head in disbelief.

"I can't believe someone from our group has done something like this." she said and I nodded slowly.

"Has there been anyone in the group who discusses things that makes you worried for them? Maybe you feel like they'd hurt themselves or others?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Oh you know everyone in our group. We all speak from the heart, but nothing that would send off signals." she said.

"What about the other groups? Surely someone has said something that might make you tilt your head or send off a red flag in your mind." I said and she shrugged shaking her head.

"No one in our group. Maybe they're in the second group. We've all been meaning to come together as a whole group and talk things out." she said. So she wasn't much help. I looked her face over.

"How's John and the kids?" I asked and she bit her lip shaking her head slowly.

"Worried. I mean I've never told him about my past. It's something I want locked away forever. But after hearing about Remy… and then the other murders that are connected, I just can't stop shaking. It's like what if the killer turns on us? I mean even though Remy killed himself, the killer may have scared him into it." she said and I nodded inhaling some as I looked down at my hands.

"You know anything about anyone in the group doing heroin?" I asked. Her eyes flashed a bit and she looked away some.

"I've seen some of the members talking amongst themselves, sharing things, but I could never tell what it was exactly." she explained. I tilted my head.

"You see anyone talking with Remy?" I asked and she nodded calmly.

"Of course, your friend Cesar. Those two have gotten close." she said. I hid my wince as I nodded. I was trying not to think maybe Cesar was more involved then he let on. He's lied already. Could he be the one to have given heroin to Remy which caused him to go off the deep end? Could he be the killer? No there's no way. Cesar would never do anything that would result in him being caged like an animal again. Prison would be just that.

"You think Cesaer is giving out the heroin?" I asked and she shrugged.

"I wouldn't put it past him. Cesar always did get what he wanted. Remy practically worshipped him. He's impressionable." she said. I nodded looking away. It seemed there was way more to Cesar than I knew. "You should ask his wife." My head whipped back to her, eyes widening.

"Wife?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yeah. He's been married for five years now. Has kids and everything." she said before tilting her head confused. "You two have been friends since you were 15 and he never told you?" I shook my head.

"Apparently we aren't as good as friends as I thought." I replied lowly. She winced and leaned over for my hand. I knew it wasn't protocol, but I let my hand find hers.

"I'm sorry. Maybe we should get some coffee later and talk?" she asked and I just nodded.

"Yeah. I'll let you know." I replied and she nodded smiling warmly.

"Well I have to head to work. I'll talk to you later." she said walking around the table. I nodded listening to her feet as they left the room. As soon as the door closed, I gasped quickly, before panting heavily from the panic. I covered my mouth with my hand sobbing into my hand. I couldn't believe what I heard. Cesar was married and still sleeping around with me? How the fuck did I become the other woman! Why didn't he tell me?

I quickly got myself together and wiped my face deciding I had to get through the day. There were more people I had to talk to. But I knew one thing was sure: I couldn't trust Cesar and I felt he may have been more involved in all of this then let on. I shut off my brain for a bit and let my body go into auto pilot. I spoke with other members and heard the same information that Mirabella stated. It seemed Remy was spiraling anyways, and Cesar was in a position to help but didn't. Heroin had found its way into our support group. It helped with the pain and the trauma. As I took down information and notes, I couldn't stop thinking of Mrs. Bernstein. Why was she suddenly targeted? Was it because Antonio and I spoke to her? Was the killer watching us the entire time?

But she only spoke about Cesar. Maybe he had something to do with her death. I wanted to rip his face off and hurt him badly for everything I was hearing about him, but I realized I was only hearing things about him. I would need to get him back in here. But how he wouldn't come back again after asking. But I knew one way to get his attention… by not giving him any. Everything may have been hearsay, but I knew I would definitely be able to find out if he had a family or not. If he did, then I would do what needed to be done. I sat at my desk going through the notes from the other members. Most of the team was out in the streets looking for witnesses to any of the murders and talk to their own CI's about the heroin being supplied to support groups.

Hank came up behind me and I just looked at him, still blank, still feeling nothing from the morning.

"Hey what do we find out form the group?" he asked. I looked back at my screen.

"Heroin may be being sold at the groups. No one has seen it for sure though and Cesar was hanging out with Remy a lot more than expected. He may be selling the heroin, but I can't be sure." I explained. Hank nodded and handed me a folder. "What's this?"

"Your boy's rap sheet. Seems to me, there's things about him you don't know." he said and I quickly opened the file. Drug possession, owning an illegal weapon, assault, armed robbery. "He even has a family. A wife and two daughters." My body froze more at the information he said than the information I had read.

"You looked him up." I assumed and he nodded.

"Of course, I did. I had to, so my statement will hold more meaning to you. I want you to stay away from him." he said. I winced as I saw a new picture on the last page. It was of Cesar and a brunette-haired woman. She was slim with long flowing wavy hair and almond shaped eyes. Her nose was mildly pointed, and she was in a long black dress. She was round with pregnancy too and holding a young girl. She was pretty too. But Cesar, he looked happy. A large grin on his face, wearing a checkered shirt tucked into tan pants. It was like they had just left church. I closed the file and nodded.

"He's never betrayed me before, but in two days he's managed to make my world collapse." I said softly. Because I thought we were each other's worlds. "Love is a human emotion. You don't need it. That's what he said to me." Yet here he was in what looked like a loving marriage.

"Hey, I need you to get your head back in the game Ashta-" But I slammed the file down and got up.

"I need to go somewhere quiet to think." I said and felt his hand immediately grab mine.

"Hey! That can wait. Right now we have some bodies dropping all over and I can't have any of my detectives having an emotional break down right now and doing something stupid." he snapped. What did he think I would become unhinged! I wouldn't voice that thought at all. But he's right. I've never been one to show anything hurt me or got to me. I nodded slowly and took a few breaths.

"I'm good." I replied and he nodded.

"Good. Antonio has managed to get a few names of people who may have been spreading the heroin around your group. I've sent Hailey and Adam over to go pick them up so we can get a better lead on who is spreading the stuff. If we get a lead on the heroin it could lead us to the killer." he told. I just nodded and watched as he turned back to his office.

"And what is it you want me to do?" I asked.

"Sit and calm down. When everyone gets back we'll discuss our next steps." he said entering his office and closing his door. I moved back over to my desk and calmed down merely thinking about all the information I had found out today. I didn't know Cesar at all. Never knew he was in and out of trouble or even married. He kept secrets from me even when I kept him close to me. I got a text and looked to see it was Cesar.

_We need to meet. _

I didn't even respond.


	10. Chapter 10

10

When the team got back, I just remained in my seat listening to Hank discuss our next steps. He posted some pictures on our large board of different people from the other groups. Antonio was now speaking about how they all may be getting the heroin from a single supplier but they wouldn't be sure until they got a hold of the group members. As if they'd trust these cops.

I was looking through the board now, not noticing the glare that was starting to seep through my calm exterior. My walls were breached and the enemy was now on the inside. Cesar betrayed me. He had a wife and kids. He may be responsible for Remy's death. He may have been responsible for everything that's happened.

I jumped lightly as Kim had nudged me looking gravely concerned.

"You good?" she whispered. I blinked looking down and nodding swiftly.

"Yeah I'm fine." I replied gently.

"Ladies, want to share something?" Hank asked and we both looked at him and then at each other and then shook our heads. Hank watched me closely.

"The small group that Hailey and Adam spoke to had very little say. We're going to let them go and have some undercover cops tail them to see if they lead us to any heroin distributors. Our next course of action: get said people in, find out about the heroin and see if we can connect them to our missing weapon and the dead bodies that have just piled up in our city. We also need to find this missing weapon being used."

I merely turned back to my desk looking at my phone. As predicted, the texts and missed calls from Cesar. I sat it down and looked at my computer trying to look through my notes about the new heroin distributer. Maybe they were involved and I could get them. But already my brain was spazzing as I started to Cesar in my mind, a young Cesar. Our first meeting, our first smiles, our first argument, our first fist fight, the first time we had sex. We were connected on a level I thought only we could understand. But it wasn't real. I was alone, truly alone. None of it was real, he wasn't real. My heart was pounding hard in my chest and I knew I had to get somewhere quiet. I cleared my throat, and stood up and moved out of the room. I didn't even hear Hank call out to me. I speed walked to the women's locker room and I saw that I was alone.

I slowly leaned over wanting to scream, but nothing came out. My body shook like it did, hell I even felt sick like I was screaming bloody murder. But nothing came out. Because there was nothing left in me I felt. I slowly raised up and just stared out at the rectangular glass window that let the light in from outside. I panted quietly and just stared at the light. The door opened and I didn't say anything.

"Ashta!" I jumped and turned to see Hailey and Kim were standing there watching me.

"What happened?" Hailey asked and I calmly stared at her before shaking my head some.

"Nothing, felt a little light headed is all. I guess a lot of stuff from my past is just starting to get to me with Mrs. Bernstein. I just needed to collect myself is all." I replied. And beat the living hell out of someone who deserved it. Kim and Hailey stared at me still worried.

"What's going on? There's more that you're not telling us." Kim said. I shrugged.

"I don't know what you want me to say." I replied.

"Maybe how you're feeling? The whole team is worried about you. Look this is a crazy case and maybe you're too closed to it." Hailey announced. I sighed heavily running my hand over my forehead.

"It's fine, guys really. I couldn't hide from this forever. Whoever is doing this, they're not going to stop, they're just as unhinged as Remy and they're going to try and kill as many people as they can until they are caught. And I guess it scares me." I replied. But I wasn't scared, I didn't have time to be afraid. What I needed was answers. The girls nodded and approached me and slowly Hailey leaned in and wrapped her arms slowly around me. In response I mildly recoiled, leaning back some from her, but she still came in locking her arms around me. Kim was right behind her wrapping her arms around the other side of me. In their warm embrace I could smell the body washes they used and I could feel the warmth of their skin.

Even with my body so tensed. I slowly untightened so they would feel better about the hugs and when they pulled back I smiled awkwardly to them.

"Thank you." I replied and they nodded and I followed them back to others. Adam and Kevin approached us.

"You good?" Kevin asked me and I just nodded noticing out of the corner of my eyes that Antonio was watching me from his desk.

"All good." I lied and he nodded and looked at Kim.

"We gotta go round up the first group of people. Hailey, you and Adam are takin the next bunch." he informed. Adam looked at me.

"Ashta, any advice before we go to talk to them?" he asked. I looked up in thought before nodding and looking at all of them.

"They won't ever trust police. Don't assert too much dominance or authority. Talk to them… like that cousin who the family knows was secretly molested by their uncle and you're trying to be supportive without putting their business out in the open." I explained. Their eyes popped and I shrugged. "They're good at hiding their true feelings and emotions. So just be chill."

"Hiding their true feelings huh?" Hailey asked pointedly at me and I looked at her staring at her for a moment. I then nodded.

"They don't believe everyone understands them." I replied. She winced and Kevin just looked down awkwardly before nodding.

"Okay. Got it. We can call you if need help?" he asked. I nodded at him.

"Of course." I replied and I watched as the four walked around me and out the room. I exhaled and crossed my arms for a second.

"Ashta." I heard Hank call and I looked up at him and he waved me over from his office. I groaned inwardly and walked over to his office moving inside. "Shut the door."

His voice was firm and hard. I did as I was told and looked at him.

"Are you with us?" he asked. My eyes focused at his tone.

"Of course." I replied. He stared at me more.

"I'll ask you again, are you with us?" he asked. I nodded.

"I am always with you." I replied seriously. He examined my eyes. He'd be able to tell if I was lying.

"Good. It's official you're sitting this case out. You're too close, too compromised. You're going to keep consulting and sharing what you know that could help us catch this killer." he said. My body tensed and my eyes widened completely thrown off.

"Hank I can help-"

"You will not go to any of the crime scenes not even of Mrs. Bernstein's home. You will stay at your desk when you are working here. And you will have no communication with Cesar Carson." he cut me off, his voice louder over mine. As if he could stop me. My jaw was tight as his words played in my head for a bit. I looked down and nodded submissively.

"Alright. What do you want me to do now?" I asked calm and collectively.

"You're going to hand Antonio your notes on distributer you've been looking into: all your CI contacts, all the locations this person's been distributing and you're going to give them to Antonio." he replied.

"You know my CI's will not speak to him." I replied. Hank leaned back in his chair some.

"Well then you'd better make sure they do." he replied. Why was he doing this, why was he sabotaging me like this? I nodded slowly trying to figure out what to do.

"Alright." I replied and turned and moved to the door.

"Ashta." he replied coolly and I turned and looked at him. "I meant what I said. No more contact with Carson." God he needs to get over his little ego with him. Why did he care so much about Cesar anyways? He knew nothing. I only nodded and left out his office. Once I was back at my desk, I realized I needed to focus on how to keep control of my life. In one case, I've managed to crack my wall of security. Damn Cesar for doing this. While I figured that I out, I gathered all the information I had gathered from my CI's on this unknown distributer which wasn't much. Once I got a file together, I printed everything off and moved over to Antonio's desk. He looked up at me with a light gaze. I held out the file to him.

"Here's what I have managed to gather on the new heroin distributor." I replied. I didn't want to come off as having an attitude with him. Who knows how we were right now. He nodded and took the file.

"Thanks." He replied. Before I could turn he reached out for me. "Hey… can I ask you something?" I turned to face him and nodded and he looked out the window some and then at me.

"Has it ever occurred or have you ever thought… that everyone in your group has become… unhinged?" he asked. I tensed lightly at his words. "I mean if they did, they wouldn't say it to a police officer."

"Because I would be seen as someone who would stop them from carrying out their violent tendencies… yes I have thought about it. I wish I didn't, but I do." I replied.

"You ever think they'd hurt you?" he asked. I shook my head looking away some.

"No." I replied.

"What makes you so sure?" he asked. I looked up at Hank's office and saw him on the phone, walking around his office. His body finally turned to us and he looked at me. I looked back at Antonio before shrugging.

"Cesar wouldn't let that happen. We always protected each other." I said lowly. And already with those words, my heart broke and my walls shattered down atop of me.


	11. Chapter 11

11

I felt so useless sitting here glancing at Antonio who was making calls and typing on his computer. I then glanced at my phone as it was on silent, ringing still. I continued to ignore it. I didn't want to know what Hank would do if he even suspected me of talking to him. But in the back of my mind I kept wondering if Cesar maybe had information on the case. Would that matter to Hank? Maybe I should tell Antonio. No I couldn't involve him. Cesar will take the hint and stop. I tucked my phone into my pocket and glanced at my other teammates. They seemed entranced in their own business. I felt completely useless. My computer pinged suddenly. An email? Seriously Cesar? I checked it to see it wasn't Cesar, but one of my CI's.

Carmen Florez. She was on the list I gave to Antonio. She knew about many drug dealers who are killed by other gang members. She also knew when new drugs and drug dealers were making their way onto the street.

Need to meet. 5th and McEwan, please it's important.

I winced and looked down thinking quickly. That was only about a twenty five minute drive from here. I got up and moved over to Antonio.

"Hey one of my CI's contacted me. She wants to meet and says its important. I can't go, Hank's taken me off the case." I replied. Antonio nodded standing up.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"Carman Florez. She may have intel on the new distributer. Maybe could be connected to the killings." I explained. Hank was coming out of his office hearing us. I looked at him and he nodded looking at me.

"You said your CI's won't talk to him. Will this one talk to another woman?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Which woman?" I asked. Hank looked at Kim who stood up pulling her coat off the back of her chair and moving over to us. I nodded at her knowing she could handle this.

"It's worth a shot. I'll tell Carmen she's an addict looking to score and they can talk. Antonio cannot be seen." I told and Antonio nodded grabbing his coat. I just moved over to my computer and began to type a response letting Carmen know. She didn't reply, but I knew she would still meet her. I looked at the others.

"It's done." I replied. Kim and Antonio nodded and headed out the office. I watched them hoping they remained safe. I slowly sat down back at my desk feeling on edge. No matter how I tried to not think about Cesar and his family, it clouded me. Hank was right I was too close to this.

Cesar, was my friend, since we were children. How could he do this? I mean eventually the thought of one of us or both being in a relationship would mean the end of our little get togethers, but for him to get married, start a family and still come to me, made me so sick. But instead of crying or letting the betrayal seep into me, I let these feelings to turn to anger. What else was Cesar up to. Hank never left his office, but I caught him glancing at me from time to time. I felt like I was just being babysat. I didn't like it. I had to do something. I got up and moved back to his office and knocked and entered.

Sure that was a bad idea, and the glare on Hanks face showed it, but I pushed back the feelings of fear from angering my boss.

"Sir, what can I do now? Everyone's out, I'm sure I can be useful somehow." I said. He nodded leisurely motioning his head to my desk.

"You can be useful by sitting back at your desk and ready to help everyone when they return." he said. I shook my head.

"I cannot sit down and do nothing!" I said.

"Watch your tone with me." he warned standing up and walking around his desk, his eyes sharp on me. "You think I like you sitting out there when you could be helping? No. You think I like not having all my detectives out in the field working to find this bastard before he kills again, absolutely not. That Cesar Carson guy is connected to both you and this case and that's not a good sign and since all you want to do is bitch and moan here, go home for the day!"

I stared at him completely thrown off by his yelling. I couldn't believe he just dismissed me like that. I just looked down feeling my chest heaving up and down. I looked away trying not to show my glare to him. I turned and grabbed my coat and badge and gun and walked out of the office.

Hank's POV

I watched her move from the room and sighed heavily pinching the bridge of my nose. I knew she wouldn't understand, but for now I needed her far away from this building and this case. She needed to cool off and I needed the empty room to think. I just knew somehow, she was going to get sucked into this and I needed to get ahead of it. I needed to cut her off from that group and especially Cesar Carson and I knew he was going to be a problem. I really wanted to my hands on that guy.

I knew Ashta wouldn't go looking for trouble. She'd go right home. My phone suddenly rang and I looked to see it was Antonio. Why was he calling me? I answered.

"What's going on, 'Tonio?" he asked.

"Oh man boss! It's bad! It's really bad!" Antonio called. My eyes widened and I looked down at the ground hard.

"Woah woah slow down, what's going on?" I asked moving to my seat to grab my gun and badge.

"You just need to get down here boss." he said.

"Okay I'm on my way!" I said and hung up and suddenly Trudy is bursting into the room as I'm entering.

"Both Kevin and Hailey are calling! We have eighteen civilians dead! Both detectives say they're all members of some support group!" she said. My eyes widened. This guy never stopped killing after the Haynes or the Lanes.

"Shit, get everyone to their locations now! Fuck, where's Ashta?" I asked. I had just sent her out on her own. She had no back up.

"She was just headed into the parking lot!" Trudy said and we both left out the office moving quickly. I needed to get to the garage. I immediately called her. Her phone went straight to voicemail. No. NO!

Everyone was getting suited up. I looked at Trudy.

"Get swat to Kevin and Hailey's location. We need to make sure there's no shooters in the area!" I said before running out the precinct. When did this guy have time to kill eighteen people? All that I couldn't think of right now. I needed to get to Ashta now! Was it Cesar? Did he do all this!

As I moved into the garage I looked around at the many cars trying to find hers.

"Levi!" I called out but got no answer. I looked for her Camry and saw it still parked. I dashed over toward it seeing the driver's side open and when I got to it, I saw her on the ground on her side. Was she…

"Ashta?" I asked dropping to my knees before her, taking her shoulders gently. A light groan made me sigh in relief as I turned her over. Dark red blood painted the side of her head.

"GET AN AMBULANCE IN HERE! WE GOT AN OFFICER DOWN!" I yelled out as officers were entering preparing to run to the different scenes. I could hear someone making the call and I looked at her. She was trying to open her eyes.

"Mm…Hank?" she asked weakly and I nodded taking her hand in mine.

"I'm here, Ashta. Don't speak we're going to get you help!" I said lightly touching her face. Her eyes fluttered closed again. Once again, the world was crashing down around me as the darkness took over her. I looked her over for any other bruises, but I couldn't see anything. As paramedics arrived, I knew I had to let them take her. I wanted to go with her, but I knew the rest of my team needed me. I hurried over to my car and headed to Antonio and Kim's location.


	12. Chapter 12

12

I could hardly think right now. Everything was happening in just a matter of days. Eighteen. Eighteen bodies dead and Ashta, someone came after her, a member of my unit. Now I was definitely going to be putting someone in the ground and I hoped it was that Carson fuck! Why did I dismiss her? I should have made her stay. But none of it made sense, but I was sure as hell going to make it make sense.

I arrived to the Antonio's locations. A paramedic and two squad cars were already there taping the crime scene off. I pulled up, parked and got out noticing the paramedics carrying multiple coolers? I saw Antonio and Kim and approached them. I shoved the yellow tape over my head as the two saw me and hurried over to me.

"You hear from dispatch?" Antonio asked and I nodded.

"Yeah. I haven't heard from Kevin or Hailey yet but we got cars hitting their location. What the hell happened?" I asked. Antonio placed his hands on his hips and pointed a few feet away from us where a pool of red was painted all over the ground. Kim shook her head.

"I came to meet her and found her dismembered and just tossed around." she said, her voice shaking a bit. I shook my head looking back at the paramedics and the few people who were watching from the street.

"Did anyone see anything?" I asked and they shook their heads. Of course they didn't.

"The place was deserted when we got here." Kim answered.

"And Ashta was supposed to meet her. If she had shown up…" Antonio said looking around suddenly. I knew the look as he looked at me. "Where is she?" My jaw tightened.

"On her way to the hospital. She was injured by whoever did this." I said. Antonio's eyes popped.

"We gotta go see her!" he said moving to his car.

"Antonio no!" I snapped hard at him making him stop to look at me almost stunned.

"Hank-"

"We got eighteen dead right now. Them plus the Lanes and Haynes makes twenty- three. This bastard is working fast and he is only going to keep going. We can't hide this and we got no answers for the media. We gotta get to the other scenes. The forensics team will handle here!" I said turning and jogging back to my car. Kim and Antonio did the same and we sped off to the other locations.

Ashta's POV

Everything was hazy. I saw darkness all around me and I had no idea how to awake from this nightmare. The soft rhythmic beating above my face helped.

"_My how you've grown… my special girl…"_

I gasped sharply and looked around at the speckled ceiling above me. Where was I? I sniffled some feeling tubes in my nose. I looked around finally to see the large I was in. A tv was across from on the ceiling and chairs were across from me. I looked down to see I was in a hospital bed. But that meant nothing to me. I looked up remembering the shadow in my head speaking. Speaking his words. Immediately my heart beat began to beat fast as the memories flooded back into my head. Blood. Screaming. Begging. Fear.

He was back. He was alive. My lips quivered as I thought of everyone who ever told me a story about him. He was here and real. My mind was spazzing out now and immediately the door opened and a nurse ran in.

"Ms. Leviason!" she called out. I had to get out of here.

"He's here! He's alive!" I yelled and the nurse grabbed my hands as I was trying to shake from.

"Detective! Detective you're safe!" she said and I just looked at her shaking my head.

"He's alive! He didn't die!" I said desperately.

"Hey hey, it's okay, you're okay. You need to breathe!" she said. I forced my brain to focus on her face. Blonde hair in a bun, soft thin looking lips and blue eyes. She had on scrubs. She looks like Mirabella. The thought of her familiar face made me calm down some. I suddenly groaned now, feeling my face hurt.

"Ow!" I said touching my forehead, only for her to stop me.

"Don't you'll scratch your stitches." she said. I looked at her stunned. Stitches?

"What happened?" I finally asked.

"You were brought in an ambulance… your captain, Hank Voight and others are on their way here." she said. I blinked slowly in thought. Hank. Now I remembered. He sent me home. A large figure is behind me. Before I could even turn a fist gets me right in the cheek. I spin, fall and hit my face on the rim of my car door. I looked at the nurse.

"How bad is it?" I asked. She leaned back and pointed to the door.

"Do you want to hear it from the doctor?" she asked. I shook my head.

"No." I replied lightly leaning back into the bed. She nodded slowly.

"You were attacked. You have a large fist print in your cheek and a laceration on the side of your head from hitting something… luckily you landed on the side of your head and having such thick curls, they cushioned your fall." she explained. I blinked slowly thinking that made sense. I have fallen in the shower a few ties and my hair alone was the thing standing between me and a concussion. I closed my eyes only to see _his _face in the darkness.

I opened my eyes quickly.

"So I don't have a concussion?" I asked.

"The doctor wanted to wait for you to wake up before testing for a concussion." she explained. I nodded slowly.

"Okay." I replied.

"You captain said he will want to speak with you when you are awake. It sounded important." she said and I nodded.

"Okay." I replied blankly again.

"I'll go get the doctor now." she said. I nodded not saying anything now.

Normal POV

It was chaos. Different members of the Forgotten Children were found dead in their homes. Some were easily killed with a single gunshot. Others were mutilated their entrails pulled from their bodies and nailed to the walls where they corpses were closes to. Reports of a copycat killer had reached all over Chicago and now the FBI were on their way to get involved. Hank was staring at the candy machine in the hospital, his own reflection all he saw. The entire team was waiting in the lobby to find out about their teammate. Meanwhile, Hank had his superiors breathing down his neck about how quick these murders happened.

This sick fuck didn't rest. First it was random strangers and then members of Ashta's group, then Ashta herself. Hank had to believe that the Lanes and Haynes were connected somehow by all of this as well. It killed him to know Ashta was now more involved in this than ever before. But one thing was for sure, he was going to protect her. Hank wanted blood and he was going to get it. Antonio approached him with a stressed look on his face.

"Anything?" he asked. Hank looked at him and shook his head.

"No nothing yet." he answered. Antonio looked at his team.

"Ashta told me she worried that more and more people in her group could go off the deep end. You think maybe that's what happened. It would explain the quick killings." he said. Hank shook his head unsure.

"It's possible, but why go after their own?" he asked. It didn't make sense.

"Someone emailed Ashta posing at Carmen expecting her to show up." he said. Hank nodded.

"Her body was supposed to be seen by Ashta." he said.

"Why? I mean she didn't show up, so he risks being caught on security cameras by attacking her at the station?" he asked. Hank's frown deepened at the thought.

"Trudy is looking through the footage now. It was Cesar Carson. It has to be." he replied and Antonio sighed and crossed his arms.

"Maybe." he responded.

"I'm looking for Ashta Leviason!" someone stated in panic alerting Hank and his team. A group of people had entered the lobby and were coming to the front desk. It was Mirabella and other members of the support group were crowding the support desk. The nurse raised her hands.

"Ma'am we can't give out patient information unless you're on her HIPPA documents." she said. Mirabella shook her head.

"We ARE more family than you will ever know!" she said aggressively. The other members nodded in agreement. "Where is she!" Not liking her tone, Hank began to approach cautiously. All the group members looked in a state of sheer panic and fear. They knew exactly what had happened.

"Ma'am we cannot disclose that information unless to immediate family." the nurse said all the while, Mirabella was gripping her head before she banged her fists on the desk.

"TELL US WHERE SHE IS YOU FAT CUNT!" she screamed already losing it.

"Woah woah, enough!" Hank commanded. Antonio and the others approached. Everyone looked at them and frowned.

"He's back!" Connie said.

"He's coming for us! He was never done with us, they never killed him!" Diana shouted. Now everyone was starting to look toward the commotion. Hank raised his hands trying to calm the panicking mob.

"What are you cops doing about it!" Danny snapped.

"Hey you need to lower your voice now, there are sick people in this building!" Antonio demanded. Kim and Hailey moved to Hank's left and Mirabella looked at them.

"Is she alive?" she asked.

"We're waiting for the doctor now." Kim said calmly. Mirabella's face soured up as she started to cry from frustration putting her hand over her forehead.

"Once again you cops are useless! You couldn't protect us then and now he's back and killing again and you can't do shit!" she yelled angrily. Now security was approaching. Hank and his team were doing their best to still calm down the group to keep them from snapping. And just as two men in black security coats came, the doors of the lobby opened again and now walking in was Cesar himself. Hank's head whipped over toward him and now he just stared at him with a slight snarl.

He saw Ashta's face in his mind, beaten and bruises, the belt mark around her neck, her limp body in his hand, face bloodied. Now he was seeing red.

"You got a lot of nerve showing your fucking face here!" he snapped pointing at Cesar making a straight line toward him. Cesar was all too happy to meet him.

"Where is she?" he asked. When Hank was close enough, Cesar did not hesitate to shove him back. Antonio caught Hank quick enough for Hank to charge back at Cesar and now both groups were on the sides of their respected ally trying to hold them back from each other.

"What the fuck did you do to her!" Hank yelled trying to push past his team to get to Cesar. Mirabella, the two security guards, and the rest of the group were doing their best to hold Cesar back as he tried to push his way to older man.

"You should have left well enough alone old man!" Cesar snapped. "You cops are fucking useless! All you do is get people killed!" More security was called and eventually Hank and his team backed off while security tried to push the group members out. Mirabella shook her head.

"You cannot kick us out! She is our friend, she was ours way longer before she was yours since childhood!" she pled to Hank. But that meant little to him right now. He wanted Cesar and from the animalistic glare on his face, Cesar felt the same. Antonio patted Hank's chest to calm him down. Jay was on the other side of him.

"Hank… maybe we should let them stay." he said. Hank whipped his head to him, eyes looking shaken.

"What?" he asked. Jay looked at them and then Hank.

"Hank they're only here because they're scared… if we let them be kicked out, with all this stress, memories could come back and trauma could take over them." he said. Kevin nodded.

"We don't need anyone else becoming unhinged." he said lowly. Hank's jaw tightened once more as he looked down realizing his team was right. If he let them leave and they jumped off the deep end, the killings could keep going and it would be mayhem.

"They cause one scene, they leave. They don't get to go back until we have spoken to Ashta." he said. Just as he spoke, a doctor approached from the hall.

"Leviason?" he called out. Immediately, Hank and his team approached.

"We're her team." Hank said. The doctor nodded. Cesar and Mirabella approached but Antonio and the rest of the team moved to keep them at a far distance, especially Cesar from Hank.

"She's going to be okay. She has a slight concussion, some bruises on her face and a laceration to her head, but after a few days rest she should be good to go." he explained. Hank nodded sighing with relief.

"Can I see her?" he asked. The doctor nodded.

"Of course. This way." he said. Hank glanced back at his team who nodded at him to affirm they had the lobby handled. Hank turned and speed walked down the hall after the doctor. They took the elevator up to two floors before going down another long hall. Finally they stopped at a room and the doctor looked at him.

"I'll give you two a moment." he said and Hank nodded in appreciation watching him walk away. Hank gently opened the door entered. He was expecting to see a woman in the bed, but when he saw an empty bed, he was now alert. His eyes darted from the empty bed, to the window to see it was open, wide open.

"No." he whispered in horror as he ran over to the window. He couldn't lose someone else. Not her. He looked down to see the roundabout below where cars were pulling into to drop patients off.

"Hank." A light voice said and his head snapped up as he turned around to the bathroom and saw her. Ashta stood there, a white towel around her naked, wet body, her hair flat around her face. Her face purple and yellow, a long row of stitches on the side of her face. "What's wrong?"

Ashta's pov

The shower didn't make my face hurt any less, but it made my body feel good. I didn't even know if I was allowed to do this, but I did anyways. I definitely needed it. As I stepped out and opened the door, I noticed Hank in the window looking over it. His body looked completely tensed.

"Hank?" I asked. He immediately looked at me with fear in his eyes. That was new. What was wrong with him? "What's wrong?" He let out a light exhale, he almost looked like he was about to cry. He just moved up to me swiftly, and I stared at him stunned as his arms just came up and wrapped around me. On instinct I wrapped my arms around him feeling how tight he was holding me. His musk washed over me replacing the generic bar soap in the tub. I kept my hold tight on him as well, since our bodies were the only thing keeping the towel to me.

"I thought… you had given up." he said, his gravely tone echoing into my mind. I glanced at the open window before shaking my head some. Why would he think that I would commit suicide? Something must have happened. It explained his behavior. I leaned my head back to look at him as our arms never left each other, his face doing the same, his eyes actually were watered some.

"Come on Hank, I'm not that lost." I said gently and he just closed his eyes in relief and I did something I never thought I would do. I lightly tilted my head toward his and let it graze against the side of his head. He looked at me with deep eyes and did something I never thought he would do. He leaned his head back into mine as well and we ever so gently, almost discreetly nuzzled at each other. We stayed like this for a second our eyes looking at each other as if trying to figure out what this moment meant because this was definitely a line crossed for he would never do this to Kim or Hailey. What does this mean, Hank?


	13. Chapter 13

13

Slowly, I pulled my head away from Hank, moving my hands back to my towel to hold it together. His hands lingered on my hips for a moment as we continued to just stare at one another.

"Ashta what happened?" he finally asked, and my eyes became slightly distant as I looked away from him and moved over to the bed grabbing the fresh hospital gown that the nurse had left for me.

"It happened so fast. I go to unlock my car and I just see a figure in the window and before I know it something hits me and I hit the car and fall… I hear your voice calling to me before I black out." I explained moving over to the bathroom where Hank moves for me to pass, but does not leave in front of the door way. He turns when he sees me remove the towel.

"Did you get a look at the guy… did he look familiar?" he asked. I placed the gown over me and shook my head as I stared at myself in the mirror some.

"He was all in black I think. I couldn't make out the clothes. I remember his hands on me…" I replied.

"He touched you?" Hank blurted angrily turning around now. Luckily I was in the gown and I looked at him. The look of absolute rage in his eyes stunned me.

"He patted me down. I think he stole my wallet and phone… Hank he knows where I live." I replied and he shook his head looking at me with authority.

"I'll put a squad car in front of your house, in the mean time you're staying with me until we get this sorted out." he said. I looked him over now shocked.

"Hank I can't stay with you." I replied. He looked at me moderately upset.

"And why not?" he asked. I scoffed softly. Pretty sure it was against some type of protocol.

"I'm not putting you in danger. This guy is obviously not going to stop. He's confident enough to attack me at work so he could follow me to your house and try and hurt you." I replied. His glare was tense but I could tell it was not aimed at me.

"I'd like to see him fucking try. This ain't up for discussion. You're staying with me." he stated. So stubborn. I gave in and nodded before realizing something else.

"He will have the contact information from everyone in my group! We need to warn them." I replied and his jaw clenched as he looked down to the ground. I knew that look. "What?"

"Your CI Carmen is dead and eighteen members of your support group were all found murdered in their homes." he explained and my body immediately tensed up and tightened at his words.

"Eighteen? What the hell is going on?" I asked feeling my head star to pound from the stress.

"Ashta is there anything else you remember about the man who attacked you?" he asked. I slowly crossed my arms and walked over toward the bed.

"No. Once my head hit the car I was in a daze… but Hank it sounded just like him." I said closing my eyes as I could hear him in my mind. I placed my hands over my ears and sat down. "He's alive."

"No Ashta he isn't. The Chicago Butcher is dead." he said approaching me standing over me now. I shook my head looking up at him.

"How do you know? Did you see a body?" I asked.

"No but higher ups that I know and trust personally were there for his execution. William Abington is dead. So whoever is doing this is connected to you all or maybe they're some sick fucked up fan of his. He had a lot of them." he said and I just looked down in thought. It was true. I had no one to shield me from the stories of The Butcher. He had fans. He was actually loved. I shook my head in thought.

"It has to be someone connected to his world. No support group member would ever do this to one of their own." I explained. Unless they became unhinged, but I refused to voice that thought and have them become suspects. I couldn't do that to them. Hank's eyes squinted on me.

"You sure about that?" he asked. I tilted my head looking at him exhausted.

"Hank, what is it with you and Cesar?" I asked. What Cesar and I did between the sheets were our business no matter how rough and violent we got. And even though I didn't know about his criminal past or his family it had nothing to do with him. Hank looked away for a moment with fierce eyes before looking back at me.

"You." he said. "This guy used and manipulated you because he knows you two have a history. You two are connected by death and he knows you'd do anything for him like he'd do anything for you. But I see through him. He grew up and started a life and an entire family without telling you. He moved on without telling you. He's dangerous and I know he's got something to do with Remy Yang's death, Mrs. Bernstein's death and all the others I just know it."

I looked at him intently before looking away some hating that his words melted into my brain so quickly, already impacting him. I hated that he was right.

"I understand." I replied.

"Do you?" he asked and I nodded looking at him.

"I do. When can I go home?" I asked.

"The doc wants you to stay for another day or two." he said. I shook my head.

"I don't want to stay here. I need to get home and grab a few things." I replied. He nodded.

"You're taking time off from work, consulting us from my place. Until we catch this guy you and I are going to be connected at the hip." he said. I nodded, too tired to argue.

"Is the team here too?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah want me to get them?" he asked. I nodded smiling some and he nodded and left out the room. For once I actually wanted the entire team around me. I wanted them to break through my walls and surround me and already the voice in my head said to not trust all of them around me. I turned that voice off for a second. I needed to think about who I saw in that parking garage. Yeah it sounded like Abington and this person was large like him, but there was something off that I couldn't piece together. His face… his face was covered so I couldn't fully see him only hear him. Abington never hid his face.

The door opened back up and everyone came in with smiles on their faces. Kim approached with concern as she looked at my face.

"Oh my god. How are you feeling?" she asked and I nodded.

"I'm good." I replied lightly stunned she even cared after I kept myself blocked off from her. I then looked around at all fo them. "Heard there were more deaths."

"Yeah and the bastard is probably still out there looking to strike again." Antonio said with anger drenched in his tone.

"Or he's out in that lobby." Hank muttered crossing his arms. I shook my head in thought of the information I had been given.

"This guy managed to kill the group members and Carmen at the same time?" I asked.

"We're waiting to hear from the coroner. I'm thinking he may have killed her, then went after the others." Adam told.

"Had to be at night this guy was messy he couldn't walk around bloody without someone seeing him." Antonio said. I nodded.

"But why Carmen? She has nothing to do with the support group." Kim reminded.

"She keeps tabs on new gang activity. She said what she had to tell me was important." I replied.

"Unless the killer had already killed Carmen, maybe forced her to get into her email and contact you, before doing her in." Hank said. I shook my head more confused.

"This makes no sense." I replied.

"All these killings were done too close together. The bodies weren't even cold from what the coroners said for some of the support group victims." Hailey replied. Jay looked at her with stress in his eyes.

"Maybe we're dealing with two killers trying to finish what the Butcher started. Killing off the surviving children, the Yangs and Mrs. Bernstein lived in the neighborhood as well as all the other children." he told.

"Yeah but why kill the Haynes or the Lanes?" Kim asked.

"They're all connected somehow we just need to find out that connection." Hank replied. The door suddenly opened and a frazzled nurse came in.

"Officer that group is upsetting families in the waiting room!" she exclaimed and I looked at Hank.

"They're here?" I asked and Hank sighed and nodded.

"Been waiting to see you." he said. I winced and slowly got up.

"Let me talk to them." I said moving to the door.

"You really think that's a good idea?" Antonio asked. I shrugged.

"Only one way to find out." I replied moving into the hallway and making a straight line down to the lobby.

"We want to see her!" Mirabella yelled out followed by the small uproar of others in agreement. Hank and the others followed behind me and I finally came through the front doors and moved into the waiting room. Leaning over the desk was Mirabella looking stressed as well as everyone else. Standing off to the side in the back was Cesar and we finally made eye contact with each other. He stood there, eyes filled with pain as he just slowly walked to me before all out running to me. At least he wasn't one of the victims. He wrapped his arms around me cautiously and now Mirabella turned and looked at me with wide eyes seeing our embrace. She hurried past the others with tears in relief on her face as I held my arm out to her. Cesar followed suit and pulled her into the embrace too.

"Oh you're alive thank god!" she sobbed.

"I'm okay. I'm alright." I assured her. The rest of the group approached wrapping their arms around me. I felt their warmth, their love all around me. People watched utterly confused at the group hugging it out in the hospital. Slowly they pulled back but remained around me.

"Did he do this? Is he alive?" Mirabella asked, her tone chilling and frightened. I looked at her and opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't form the answer she wanted to hear.

"I don't know." I replied and the group questioned me. "How could I not know?" "Did I see his face?" "What was the police going to do?"

"It's obvious someone's coming for us." Cesar replied and I glanced up at him for a moment and he looked back at me seeming oddly numb to this. The rest of the group looked to be freaking out and I shook my head.

"Hey, hey," I said grabbing their attention. "We are going to do everything in our power to stop whoever is responsible." I said.

"Oh how can you promise that?" Connie asked. I looked at her shaking my head.

"Because whoever is doing this is not a mythical creature or a being that can't be touched. They are a man or a woman who can be taken down just like the rest of us. I know what that man has done to you, done to all of us He took our mothers, our father, our brothers and sisters away from us when we were just children. But you have all done well trying to cope with what's happened to you. You can't let this person come back into your lives and take all you have worked for away. You have come too far to just come this far. You see anything that would cause alarm you call the police." I explained. The group looked at each other now, the fear radiant in their eyes. I knew my words were easier said than done. Mirabella sniffled as tears streamed down her face as Danny shook his head.

"Easy to say but look at you. He took your family away and you never moved on from that. You never started a family of your own." he said voice trembling. "I mean how can we all be certain he won't come for us."

I stared at him sympathetically before nodding, because I knew he was right. I never wanted love to touch me because what was the point when in the end it can be taken from you. But I looked over my shoulder at Hank and the rest of the team. They were my team- my family. I looked back at Danny.

"You're right. But let me ask you this are you going to continue to run in fear or are you going to stand up and fight if all else fails?" I asked. He winced at my words and looked down unable to answer. "Go home. All of you. Be with your families and loved ones and let us do our jobs."

The group looked at each other and nodded turning from me making their way to the door. I knew in that moment the group would not be getting back together. Now I just had to wait and see what would happen to all of them. The trauma will come back to them, just like it did for me when I awoke in the hospital bed. Mirabella took my hand and sighed.

"Take care of yourself." she said and I nodded.

"You too." I replied and she nodded and turned from me moving to pat Cesar's shoulder before leaving. Now it was just us two and I looked up at him.

"You need to go." I replied.

"I'm not leaving until we talk." he said defiantly.

"Go home to your wife." I stated firmly. Cesar winced and took a step toward me, but before he could get close Hank was already in front of me, eyes glaring hard up at him.

"Oh please give me a reason." he threatened with a vicious smirk on his face. Kim and the rest of the team moved around me as if to back up Hank's threat. I looked at her and the team not expecting that all. Cesar looked down at him with a twitch of his eye before leaning back and glancing at me before turning and walking out the double doors. Hank turned to the team now looked at everyone.

"Let's get back out there. Antonio and Kim check in with the coroners and see what you can find out about the eighteen dead and Carmen. The rest of you pull as much information on our deceased and let's see if we can tie everyone together They are bound to have something in common." he said and the team nodded and moved into action and I watched as they left the hospital. Now it just left Hank and I standing in front of each other.

"Let's get you discharged. We'll stop by your place to get a few things." he replied. I inwardly sighed. Only Cesar and Antonio have been inside my house. I wanted it to stay that way but I guess it couldn't be avoided.


End file.
